


book club chronicles

by lovevalley45



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Group Chat, Book Club, Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Nearly canon compliant, so many stupid jokes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 14,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23232559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovevalley45/pseuds/lovevalley45
Summary: Just if the ladies (and resident genderfluid shapeshifter) of Legends had a group chat. That's it.
Relationships: John Constantine/Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 183
Kudos: 282





	1. just a normal day on the waverider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mona starts a group chat. It goes as well as one would imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ppl asked for it n i decided to deliver (bc online english classes can get kinda boring)
> 
> usually i'd promise to be consistent n stuff but i feel like i'll been changing chapters as the episodes roll out and i decided to be nice n not wait until right before the new episode so i don't have to worry about inaccuracies
> 
> anyways. enjoy

**monawu** has created the group  **BOOK CLUB**

**monawu** added  **asharpe, fairlyoddnora** ,  **capitan** ,  **zaritarazi** , and  **charlie**

**charlie:** why am i here i said i didn’t want to be in your bloody book club

**monawu:** hold on i’m going to make my name something fun

**monawu** changed their name to  **silverkaupe**

**silverkaupe:** i wanted to be able to reach out to everyone!

**zaritarazi** changed their name to  **z**

**capitan:** i mean half of us don’t live on the same ship anymore

**asharpe:** Last I checked, two out of six isn’t half.

**silverkaupe:** yeah that’s only one third….

**capitan:** don’t judge me and my bad math

**fairlyoddnora:** guys i’d love to chat about sara being bad at math but i have work

**capitan:** i may not be ur captain anymore but i know i don’t deserve this mutiny

**charlie** left the group

**silverkaupe** added  **charlie** to the group

**charlie:** damn!

**capitan:** you’re trapped here with the rest of us

**charlie:** mona let me leave

**silverkaupe:** no

**z:** come on ava change ur name to smth fun

**capitan:** yeah babe

**asharpe:** Do i have to?

**z:** it’ll be fuuun

**asharpe:** God. Fine.

**asharpe** changed their name to  **captainpantsuit**

**captainpantsuit:** Happy now?

**capitan:** now i feel like i have to change mine

**silverkaupe:** yeah it might get a little confusing

**capitan** changed their name to  **whitecanary**

**whitecanary:** there

**z:** nice

**z:** now it’s ur turn charlie

**charlie:** no

**z:** awww

**silverkaupe:** so what’s everyone up to

**captainpantsuit:** Trying to enjoy my free time.

**z:** bugging b

**whitecanary:** taking a break from training

**whitecanary:** it’s been pretty quiet here

**captainpantsuit:** Suspiciously quiet.

**silverkaupe:** any quiet on the ship is suspicious

**captainpantsuit:** Yes, it is.

**z:** trust me the worst thing happening is us making weed brownies in the galley

**z:** and by us i mean i’m only being a responsible sister

**charlie:** ooh share

**whitecanary:** same

**captainpantsuit:** I’ll pass on the weed brownies today, thanks. 

**charlie:** so next time you might join in

**captainpantsuit:** I can't make any promises. 

**charlie:** it’s a start

**whitecanary:** wait a minute

**whitecanary:** … only you and behrad?

**z:** yeah?

**captainpantsuit:** Anyone see Nate and John today?

**charlie:** not since breakfast and i wrestled natey boy for a fucking spoon

**silverkaupe:** why did u wrestle for a spoon

**charlie:** it was the last clean one

**whitecanary:** yeah some people have been slacking on dish duty lately

**charlie:** we’re not even in the same room but i can feel your side eye

**captainpantsuit:** It’s probably fine.

**z:** yeah they’re just probably doing resea

**z:** gtg

**captainpantsuit:** Zari?

**charlie:** anyone else smell smoke

**fairlyoddnora:** what did i just come into it

**whitecanary:** oh shit we didn’t check on mick

**fairlyoddnora:** i mute the chat for five minutes to watch a kid n miss all the interesting shit

**charlie:** eh it only just got interesting

**fairlyoddnora:** oh goodie

**whitecanary:** i’ll go see what’s up

**captainpantsuit:** I knew it was too good to be true. 

**z:** don’t worry it’s taken care of

**captainpantsuit:** Are you and Behrad burning down the kitchen to make weed brownies?

**z:** it was his fault

**z:** like i said i’m only here to supervise

**whitecanary:** you’re doing a shit job

**z:** forget about your weed brownie then

**fairlyoddnora:** i would ask for it but i’m off the ship and also technically responsible for a child

**captainpantsuit:** At least the kitchen isn’t on fire anymore.

**z:** it was never on fire

**z:** it was just… very smoky

**captainpantsuit:** I can’t even read a book on this ship in peace.

**whitecanary:** better get used to it babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all know the drill. leave a kudo and possibly a comment if you're ever so kind. 
> 
> like i said, no promises with posting every other friday or some shit. it's just some gals (and one non-binary sorta deity) chatting it up. nothing serious. keep it crispy y'all


	2. [insert abba reference here]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Names are discussed. Then, more stuff happens that's more interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said i was probably gonna wait to post until right before the next episode drops but fuck that! i don't know when 'zari not zari' is coming out! let's get behind canon helllll yeah

**silverkaupe:** charlie how can i convince u to change ur username

**charlie:** depends on how much booze u can get on the ship in twenty-four hours

**silverkaupe:** how do you feel about wine

**charlie:** mona do i really seem like a wine person

**silverkaupe:** no you seem like the type to drink shitty beer and enjoy it instead of drinking something tasty

**z:** why are u harassing charlie

**fairlyoddnora:** i don’t think this counts as harassment

**z:** okay this has been bugging me all day but

**fairlyoddnora:** what?

**z:** what’s the joke with ur name?

**fairlyoddnora:** ….

**fairlyoddnora:** i have never felt old until this moment and i work with  _ children _

**fairlyoddnora:** zari when were u born

**z:** 2010?

**fairlyoddnora:** you’re not even a decade younger than me oh my gooood

**z:** what?

**fairlyoddnora:** well the later seasons kinda sucked anyways

**captainpantsuit:** Okay, now you have to explain because I’m also confused.

**whitecanary:** it’s a kids show

**whitecanary:** i was too old for it but it was popular when i was at the peak of my babysitting career

**fairlyoddnora:** yeah i watched it when i was really little

**fairlyoddnora:** like, before the whole cult thing

**silverkaupe:** oh yeah, fairly odd parents! i loved that show

**captainpantsuit:** What, like fairy god parents?

**z:** okay that’s not the worst pun

**captainpantsuit:** It’s still not good. 

**charlie:** i have no idea what any of you are talking about

**whitecanary:** i forget that mona is the only one who’s also from the present

**charlie:** we live on a time ship where when you’re from doesn’t matter

**charlie:** the present is fake. z came from her present, you two came from your present. time is always changing

**z:** aren’t you literally from ancient greece

**charlie:** love i’ve been all over

**charlie:** besides london is more of a home to me than athens or that one island from mamma mia

**whitecanary:** that’s such a specific example

**fairlyoddnora:** how many times did ray make u watch mamma mia

**charlie:** once

**charlie:** we got five minutes in before i turned it off

**silverkaupe:** oh i love that movie

**charlie:** hold on i just came up with a stupid nickname for this chat

**charlie** has changed their name to  **originalpunk**

**z:** oh that’s fun

**originalpunk:** thanks

**fairlyoddnora:** why did i think it was going to be “fuckmammamia”

**silverkaupe:** yay

**silverkaupe:** and i didn’t even have to go total wine and buy them out of their whiskey

**originalpunk:** how’s ur writing coming along

**silverkaupe:** if it was coming along well i wouldn’t be texting u guys

**whitecanary:** wow rude

**silverkaupe:** i’m taking a break b4 writers’ block lets wolfie out

**captainpantsuit:** Yeah, I don’t see that turning out well for your laptop.

**silverkaupe:** exactly

**silverkaupe:** but u know. it’s fine. c o m p l e t e l y fine

**fairlyoddnora:** okay i’m coming over

**silverkaupe:** that seems like a misuse of ur powers

**fairlyoddnora:** well i was just gonna use a time courier

**captainpantsuit:** I knew we were missing ours!

**fairlyoddnora:** but i did get these powers for u

**captainpantsuit:** I have to go apologize to Nate.

**silverkaupe:** [stealingyogirl.jpg]

**whitecanary:** send that to ray he’s gotta know what u’re up to

**fairlyoddnora:** he’s fine

**originalpunk:** rayge will survive

**whitecanary:** did zari like. die

**z:** u can’t get rid of me that easily

**z:** i was painting my nails

**z:** what did i miss

**whitecanary:** mona’s being a homewrecker

**z:** good for her

**silverkaupe:** thank you

**captainpantsuit:** Nate’s fine.

**z:** yes he is

**whitecanary:** GOD

**captainpantsuit:** Thank you for that comment, Zari.

**z:** you’re welcome

**silverkaupe:** oh my god u n nate would actually be so cute together

**originalpunk:** yeah poor bloke’s got a crush on her

**fairlyoddnora:** hm

**originalpunk:** u got smth to say, darhk?

**fairlyoddnora:** hm nothing it’s just.

**fairlyoddnora:** interesting

**silverkaupe:** how about natari!

**captainpantsuit:** What?

**silverkaupe:** for their ship name!

**whitecanary:** mona ilu but that is the worst ship name i’ve heard in my life

**whitecanary:** how abt zate

**silverkaupe:** that’s worse

**z:** brb i’m gonna go ignore this whole conversation

**whitecanary:** don’t die

**whitecanary:** that’s my job

**captainpantsuit:** No, your job is to lead this team and look good while doing it. 

**whitecanary:** aw thx babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u liked this chapter, leave a nice comment or maybe a kudo if u haven't yet cuz that'd be like so cool or whatever  
> just plz don't start any ship wars or anything thx


	3. did it for the weed joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mona has too many pet videos and someone needs to start keeping Nora updated on the Legends' latest shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as the title implies, i did do it for the weed joke. enjoy.

**silverkaupe:** ur daily fix of cute cat videos!

**silverkaupe:** [cutepetvid420.mp4]

**z:** aww! 

**originalpunk:** nice

**whitecanary:** nice

**fairlyoddnora:** i’m not even in the same room as u guys but i know u two just looked at the file name n didn’t even watch the video

**z:** can confirm

**originalpunk:** what do you think i’m going to pass up a weed joke?

**silverkaupe:** i swear that was an accident

**captainpantsuit:** I’m a little more concerned that you have more than four hundred videos of animals being cute saved to your phone.

**silverkaupe:** well yeah how could i not

**fairlyoddnora:** mona never stop being u

**originalpunk:** how many videos does she have saved, ava

**captainpantsuit:** I’m not saying it.

**originalpunk:** coward

**fairlyoddnora:** hey mona do u have any cute like. videos of lizards or smth i can send to ray

**silverkaupe:** let me see

**z:** why lizards

**fairlyoddnora:** he wants a snake and i don’t have the stomach to feed a snake

**fairlyoddnora:** i did say i might consider a lizard tho

**whitecanary:** hey zari didn’t u have like a pet dragon or smth

**z:** we’re literally at the same table why are you texting me to ask me this

**whitecanary:** because it’s relevant to the group chat

**whitecanary:** dragons are just like big murderous fire-breathing lizards right

**fairlyoddnora:** i think that’s a terrible simplification of what a dragon is

**silverkaupe:** you have a pet dragon?

**z:** anyways i can neither confirm nor deny that that’s true

**captainpantsuit:** I thought you did.

**z:** oh i hear behrad calling me gtg

**whitecanary:** yeah for the folks at home: she just literally just got up and left the room

**fairlyoddnora:** well that’s a way to avoid the subject

**silverkaupe:** [cutepetvid69.mp4]

**originalpunk:** NICE

**silverkaupe:** i could only find this axolotl video

**originalpunk:** okay that’s pretty cute

**whitecanary:** i don’t exactly know what that is but i love it

**fairlyoddnora:** mona be honest with me did u pick that bc it was the number sixty-nine or was it really the only one u could find

**silverkaupe:** i probably have actual lizard videos but i couldn’t pass up the joke

**fairlyoddnora:** nice

**originalpunk:** did i ever tell you all how behrad got stuck as a lizard because john broke time to try and save his boyfriend from eternal damnation

**originalpunk:** good times

**fairlyoddnora:** why do i miss all the interesting stuff

**fairlyoddnora:** was this when i was in prison

**originalpunk:** i don’t know we hadn’t met yet

**captainpantsuit:** Hold on, hold on. You and John broke time with Behrad’s help and I’m just now hearing about it?

**whitecanary:** it was a crazy week i didn’t have time to fill u in

**originalpunk:** it was fun

**originalpunk:** you were all puppets for a hot minute

**whitecanary:** terrible

**fairlyoddnora:** what’s up with you guys and puppets?

**whitecanary:** i wish i fucking knew

**silverkaupe:** is it just me or are puppets really creepy

**originalpunk:** very

**whitecanary:** yeah defnitely

**captainpantsuit:** Who ever thought puppets were a good idea?

**originalpunk:** no idea

**z:** hey nora didn’t we literally give you a pony as a wedding gift

**originalpunk:** is that why i stepped in horse shit when we were coming back onto the ship

**originalpunk:** i spent the whole night trying to avoid stepping in horse shit only to come back and step in fucking horse shit

**fairlyoddnora:** apparently ivy town does not have very good regulations about keeping ponies in the suburbs

**fairlyoddnora:** petunia is now enjoying her life at the ivy town petting zoo

**silverkaupe:** aww i’m sorry about poor petunia

**z:** at least she’s happy

**fairlyoddnora:** also as much as i laughed at ray’s tiny sneezing fits whenever he had to go into the backyard it just wasn’t working

**whitecanary:** i cannot believe that man is allergic to literally ANYTHING with fur

**fairlyoddnora:** tis a curse greater than mine own

**silverkaupe:** oh yeah i nearly forgot! i adopted a cat!

**silverkaupe:** [mynewbaby.jpg]

**z:** oh my god i love her

**z:** what’s her name

**silverkaupe:** i named her garima

**whitecanary:** i’m so sorry i’m never going to be able to look at your cat n not think of the three boobed alien i had to witness mick fuck

**captainpantsuit:** You can’t just remind us these things happened, Sara.

**originalpunk:** i wish i could forget

**fairlyoddnora:** YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT GIVE CONTEXT

**z:** yeah what the actual fuck

**whitecanary:** long story. book brought things to live. we had to fight a tentacle monster and mick brought his alien warrior queen to our world to do it

**originalpunk:** it was my first fucking mission

**whitecanary:** then they fucked in front of all of us

**fairlyoddnora:** so while i was making sure john didn’t die you were… watching weird hentai?

**silverkaupe:** nora

**fairlyoddnora:** what mona 

**fairlyoddnora:** are u gonna criticize me for using the word hentai

**silverkaupe:** just a little

**captainpantsuit:** I can’t believe that this was how I learned what hentai was.

**whitecanary:** can we please stop talking about hentai

**originalpunk:** you were the one who started this

**captainpantsuit:** It’s not my fault that Nate had to make a fucking joke about tentacle porn when we were doing the paperwork for that mission.

**captainpantsuit:** Fortunately, we decided not to include what happened with Mick and Garima after Tagumo was defeated. 

**whitecanary:** do what u will with that information zari

**z:** don’t bring me into this

**z:** that’s not my kink

**originalpunk:** well your brother did say that mission gave him some new drawing inspiration

**z:** ew ew ew

**z:** i so didn’t need to know that

**whitecanary:** i didn’t need to be reminded of that either

**silverkaupe:** n i thought i was a monsterfucker

**captainpantsuit:** I’m ending this conversation right here.

**silverkaupe:** you’re not my boss anymore

**whitecanary:** i second that notion let’s end this shit

**z:** thank god

**fairlyoddnora:** so charlie when you and behrad hooked up

**z:** DON’T

**originalpunk:** the answer’s no

**z:** once again, thank fucking god

**captainpantsuit:** I second that.

**whitecanary:** wait, charlie and behrad hooked up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, u know the drill, if u liked it, leave a kudo or a comment cuz that would be very nice  
> rn i'm two-timing it with this fic n SSZN but bc i also have this written out like. seven chapters in advance? my writing will still continue to delight/annoy. also i think it's already established that the schedule is ehhh when i feel like which! feels like the legends schedule this season! yay!


	4. the forgotten laundry room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laundry day is a constant, even in the temporal zone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wild how they can remember the one bathroom but never mention the laundry room. truly wild.

**whitecanary:** petition for ava to stop leaving her stuff in the dryer for so long

 **captainpantsuit:** We had an Encore alert as soon as I was about to take my sweaters out of the dryer.

 **whitecanary:** uh huh sure blame the prognosticator 

**captainpantsuit:** Don’t call me out like this in the group chat.

 **whitecanary:** too late

 **z:** i’ll sign that petition

 **captainpantsuit:** Zari…. this betrayal.

 **z:** i know my rights

 **fairlyoddnora:** you guys make me happy i don’t have to do laundry

 **originalpunk:** same

 **z:** wait a minute,,,, are you always naked

 **originalpunk:** take a guess

 **originalpunk:** ;)

 **captainpantsuit:** We have a fabricator that can make literally any outfit you like. 

**originalpunk:** hey i have my powers i don’t need to use it

 **silverkaupe:** what did i just come into

 **fairlyoddnora:** charlie is eternally naked

 **silverkaupe:** that’s not true i walked in on them doing laundry once

 **whitecanary:** exposed

 **originalpunk:** damnit mona

 **captainpantsuit:** Thank God for that.

 **originalpunk:** i was going for the long con

 **fairlyoddnora:** the true surprise of this is that charlie does laundry

 **silverkaupe:** i know it shocked me too

 **z:** hey when are we going to stop by a dry cleaners’

 **captainpantsuit:** Never, probably, since I got rid of all my pantsuits.

 **z:** that’s a bummer

 **silverkaupe:** why?

 **whitecanary:** they were clogging up the closet

 **z:** part of my ongoing attempt to give ava a complete makeover

 **captainpantsuit:** What they said.

 **silverkaupe:** yeah i’ve stopped giving away the clothes i’ve ripped with wolfie but i have gotten really good at sewing

 **silverkaupe:** if anyone loses a button hmu i can probably fix it

 **originalpunk:** look at you! being all seamstress-y n shit

 **silverkaupe:** it’s a necessity

 **silverkaupe:** [frankensteinimpression.jpg]

 **z:** how do you get so much cat hair on one sweater

 **silverkaupe:** garima decided to use it as a bed

 **z:** and u… still decided to wear it

 **silverkaupe:** it’s laundry day

 **silverkaupe:** n this is a very comfortable sweater

 **fairlyoddnora:** i would love to come over n cuddle ur cat but i think ray would die on the spot when i came home

 **silverkaupe:** just change outfits b4 u leave

 **fairlyoddnora:** u know that’s actually a really smart idea

 **captainpantsuit:** We still haven’t figured out how book club will work with you two off the ship.

 **originalpunk:** yawwwn

 **silverkaupe:** easy! you all can just come over to my place!

 **whitecanary:** what just load up on the jumpship n go on a field trip?

 **silverkaupe:** i mean…. yeah

 **z:** it’s not the worst idea

 **captainpantsuit:** I’d be down for that. 

**silverkaupe:** the four of u can fit in the jumpship

 **originalpunk:** how many times can i resist book club b4 u lot stop trying to drag me into it

 **z:** come on charlie u should join us

 **z:** it’ll be fun

 **originalpunk:**...maybe i’ll come to ONE meeting

 **z:** yay

 **originalpunk:** only one u hear me

 **silverkaupe:** it’s progress

**silverkaupe** changed the group name to **mission accomplished**

**originalpunk:** was that ur plan all along

 **silverkaupe:** i was in it for the long con

 **originalpunk:** i’ve taught u too much

 **silverkaupe:** bold of you to assume this was ur doing

 **originalpunk:** i like to think i’ve had some impact on the youth

 **whitecanary:** you mean other than encouraging behrad to set that car on fire once

 **originalpunk:** first of all i’ve told u a million times that was mick’s idea

 **originalpunk:** second of all we all agreed it was a fun time

 **whitecanary:** uh huh sure it was fun when we had to run before the firemen showed up

 **captainpantsuit:** Is this what you guys left out of mission reports before I joined the team?

 **whitecanary:** no

 **originalpunk:** yes

 **whitecanary:** it wasn’t important to the mission

 **captainpantsuit:** A likely story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u liked, leave a kudo or a comment whatever. happy late passover, or happy easter, or just have a nice day. i don't know what you celebrate. peace out.


	5. be safe, kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very important chapter about what behind closed doors (or sometimes, in front of glass windows.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this summary but i'm keeping it bc i can't stop laughing at it. ANYWAYS. i'm trying to get one specific chapter out purely bc i made a good joke so u get two chapters this week. wahoo  
> enjoy

**z:** [frostedtips.jpg]

**z:** i finally convinced john to let me dye his hair!

**whitecanary:** is this how we’re bonding on this ship now

**whitecanary:** by doing each other’s hair

**z:** i forced him into it i wouldn’t call it bonding

**originalpunk:** besides they’ve bonded enough

**captainpantsuit:** What does that mean?

**whitecanary:** nice

**whitecanary:** wait a minute

**captainpantsuit:** Is this another sex euphenism?

**captainpantsuit:** Why can’t you people just say you fucked?

**whitecanary:** it’s less fun

**fairlyoddnora:** but why

**z:** it was like forever ago it’s not important

**whitecanary:** well it’s better than when we hooked up

**originalpunk:** YOU AND ZARI FUCKED?

**captainpantsuit:** Jesus.

**whitecanary:** unfortunately it was the other way around

**fairlyoddnora:** sara no offense but i thought u had fucking taste

**whitecanary:** rude

**z:** rude

**captainpantsuit:** I didn’t have that high of standards to reach.

**fairlyoddnora:** fair

**whitecanary:** once again, RUDE

**captainpantsuit:** I say it with love.

**whitecanary:** where

**z:** u never apologized to me

**fairlyoddnora:** i don’t know ur taste in men well enough to discern if u fucking john is low for u or not

**captainpantsuit:** I don’t know. Her last boyfriend had a s’more head the entire time I saw him, so…

**fairlyoddnora:** i don’t want to ask what that means

**originalpunk:** well i mean she thinks nate’s hot

**z:** is it a crime to find him hot

**z:** besides we only hooked up once

**whitecanary:** wanna compare notes

**captainpantsuit:** Babe.

**whitecanary:** i’m joking i’m joking

**z:** sure u were

**fairlyoddnora:** i feel like i never spent enough time on the ship to know who was shacking up with who

**originalpunk:** well u know i shacked up with behrad

**originalpunk:** somehow

**fairlyoddnora:** i walked into the lab at the wrong time and made a hasty exit

**captainpantsuit:** You two hooked up in the one room on the ship with a glass window?

**z:** i slept on that couch,,,, what the fuck

**fairlyoddnora:** sucks to be u

**z:** thanks

**z:** john says hi

**fairlyoddnora:** did u tell him abt us saying u n sara had low standards to sleep with him

**z:** no but i might

**originalpunk:** it wasn’t our best decision

**captainpantsuit:** You two literally have rooms next to each other. Why did you choose his stoner cave?

**originalpunk:** we were high and not acting on our best impulse alright

**originalpunk:** why is this what you’re so concerned about

**captainpantsuit:** I don’t know. Call it morbid curiosity.

**captainpantsuit:** Every detail worries me more but I want the full picture.

**z:** i don’t

**z:** can we move ON

**silverkaupe:** i’ve come online to make sure u all are trying to practice safe sex

**silverkaupe:** it’s my duty as a romance novelist to advocate for safe sex bc that shit’s important

**silverkaupe:** i want my readers to know what’s okay and what’s not okay

**fairlyoddnora:** that’s actually really good

**originalpunk:** i promise that we did use a condom

**silverkaupe:** i’m not going to ask abt the logistics of that

**z:** yeah no thanks

**z:** i don’t need to imagine my lil bro having sex thanks

**z:** no matter how responsible either of u were

**captainpantsuit:** Even if you had sex in a public area.

**originalpunk:** i’m sure you and the missus are guilty of the same thing

**whitecanary:** guilty

**captainpantsuit:** Okay, maybe we have.

**whitecanary:** and unfortunately the library has been forever tainted 

**fairlyoddnora:** i promise that ray and i kept all our fucking to his room

**fairlyoddnora:** bc this whole team has a exhibitionism kink apparently

**originalpunk:** for fuck’s sake

**captainpantsuit:** Thank you for that, at least.

**fairlyoddnora:** and a voyeurism kink

**whitecanary:** okay i walked in on ACCIDENT we’ve established this

**whitecanary:** i was just as traumatized as the two of you

**fairlyoddnora:** you didn’t knock how were we supposed to know you were going to walk in

**fairlyoddnora:** we thought gideon locked the door

**whitecanary:** gideon does she wants n she does not give a fuck abt our privacy

**silverkaupe:** man wouldn’t it be fun if we could invite gideon to our group chat

**whitecanary:** i don’t need another avenue for her to sass me

**whitecanary:** besides she can probably read all these messages anyways since our phones are connected thru the waverider to even text u guys

**z:** i’m saving on data though

**whitecanary:** aren’t you literally a multimillionaire

**z:** yeah but i still care about my phone bill

**captainpantsuit:** It’s still so weird not worrying about bills.

**whitecanary:** i haven’t thought abt paying rent or boring shit like that since rip laid us all off a couple years back

**captainpantsuit:** And it shows.

**whitecanary:** but u love my freeloading ass

**captainpantsuit:** How could I not?

**fairlyoddnora:** must we talk abt how hot sara’s ass is

**originalpunk:** sure

**z:** i can’t think of a better topic

**fairlyoddnora:** okay

**fairlyoddnora:** i could probably come up with one but yeah let’s just talk abt sara’s ass

**whitecanary:** thank you

**silverkaupe:** i do have a better topic

**whitecanary:** is there any thing better than this ass tho

**z:** i mean

**silverkaupe:** i finally decided on a book for this week’s meeting!

**originalpunk:** what will i be forced to read

**silverkaupe:** this week’s book is….

**silverkaupe:** the wedding date! by jasmine guillory

**whitecanary:** what’s it abt

**silverkaupe:** so these two people get stuck in an elevator

**captainpantsuit:** Please don’t send the entire synopsis. Sara, we’ll just read the summary.

**silverkaupe:** fine. killing the fun of my job as unofficial book club president

**whitecanary:** i thought this was an equal establishment

**fairlyoddnora:** she’s basically president

**fairlyoddnora:** just let her have this

**silverkaupe:** also it’s my apartment we’re meeting at, so

**whitecanary:** okay fine

**z:** i’ll start it after john stops messing with my makeup

**z:** if i break into hives in the next week blame him

**whitecanary:** i’ll make a note of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't care what u ship but they did fuck  
> anyways if u liked this chapter, maybe leave a comment or a kudo of some kind. next chapter is one of my favorites bc. we got someone comin back babey. stay fucking crispy y'all


	6. procrastination is a group activity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old friend joins the chat. Surprise, fuckers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're not fuckers i love u all i swear  
> anyways. plz enjoy this chapter. it's one of the longest ones i wrote for this fic lol

**z:** hey anyone started the book yet

**captainpantsuit:** Fuck.

**whitecanary:** fuck!   
**originalpunk:** fuck

**fairlyoddnora:** damnit

**z:** so that’s a collective no

**whitecanary:** depends

**whitecanary:** have you

**z:** [bcimresponsible.jpg]

**fairlyoddnora:** okay you could have just said yes

**z:** there’s nothing else to do on this ship

**originalpunk:** i mean i have a few ideas

**z:** and i’d be interested to hear them

**originalpunk:** maybe when you’re done with this book we can discuss them

**z:** sounds like a plan

**fairlyoddnora:** can we please establish this chat as a no-horny zone can this happen anywhere else

**captainpantsuit:** No.

**fairlyoddnora:** AVA

**whitecanary:** ,,,,babe ,,,why

**fairlyoddnora:** betrayal

**captainpantsuit:** This chat is a full horny zone.

**fairlyoddnora:** i know we’re texting but imagining u saying ‘horny’ is making me lose it

**fairlyoddnora:** ray is looking at me weird

**whitecanary:** on a non-horny note, how are you two doing

**fairlyoddnora:** oh so you’re not asking abt the intimate details of our sex life

**whitecanary:** i already know too much

**fairlyoddnora:** we’re doing fine

**fairlyoddnora:** he’s applied for a position at ivy u which is trickier than we anticipated

**fairlyoddnora:** apparently there is some problem with him teaching at the university a good sixty years ago as well

**whitecanary:** blame mick

**originalpunk:** what

**captainpantsuit:** What?

**whitecanary:** man i wish kendra was here or someone else who got that joke

**whitecanary:** hey mona can i add someone

**silverkaupe:** sure!

**whitecanary:** nice nice nice

**originalpunk:** wait who are u gonna add

**whitecanary** added  **thegreathawkgirl** to the group

**thegreathawkgirl:** sara why am i here

**whitecanary:** guys meet kendra

**thegreathawkgirl:** uh hi everyone

**thegreathawkgirl:** what’s happening

**whitecanary:** she used to be a legend

**whitecanary:** one of my fellow OGs

**originalpunk:** hey i’m charlie, shapeshifter, i go by they/them, and it is lovely to meet u

**fairlyoddnora:** wow aren’t u civil today

**originalpunk:** excuse me for being polite

**silverkaupe:** hi! i’m mona! welcome to our group chat!

**silverkaupe:** this is basically where we talk about our book club but sara just.. added you

**whitecanary:** you said i could

**thegreathawkgirl:** yeah i’m also confused about why i’m here

**whitecanary:** i had a joke abt when mick was chronos but no one was here to appreciate it

**thegreathawkgirl:** okay i appreciate the joke but it wasn’t that funny at the time

**whitecanary:** i know but it’s been, what, six years since we got stuck in the 50s? we’ve had enough time to make jokes about it

**originalpunk:** is anyone else gonna introduce themself or am i gonna have to listen to them remininse abt the good times for the next two hours

**whitecanary:** yeah everyone’s disappeared

**whitecanary:** hey y’all gonna come out n be polite?

**fairlyoddnora:** you’re not the boss of me

**whitecanary:** so this is nora

**fairlyoddnora:** yeah, hey, fairy godmother, and i think i might be married to your ex. hi

**thegreathawkgirl:** oh

**thegreathawkgirl:** good for him

**originalpunk:** fun

**z:** oh my god i’m trying to read our fucking book and my phone is BLOWING UP

**z:** what is going on

**originalpunk:** care to meet our newest addition to the chat?

**z:** heyyy, i’m zari tarazi, and you are?

**whitecanary:** scroll up

**z:** oh! nice to meet you

**thegreathawkgirl:** i feel like i know that name

**z:** yes, that’s me. the dragon girl

**thegreathawkgirl:** aren’t you like twelve?

**z:** not anymore

**thegreathawkgirl:** oh yeah. time travel

**whitecanary:** pretty much an explanation for everything

**captainpantsuit:** Sorry. Mick and I were chatting. I’m Ava, former director of the Time Bureau, but now I’m a Legend.

**whitecanary:** and my girlfriend

**captainpantsuit:** That too.

**originalpunk:** were u asking him what he had to do with ray getting a job in the 50s

**captainpantsuit:** It didn’t come up. 

**thegreathawkgirl:** well it’s nice to meet you 

**captainpantsuit:** Right back at you.

**thegreathawkgirl:** sara?

**whitecanary:** yeah?

**thegreathawkgirl:** did u just add me to laugh at a joke

**whitecanary:** well kinda but i also missed you

**thegreathawkgirl:** aw i missed you too

**thegreathawkgirl:** are the rest of you legends too?

**silverkaupe:** i used to be but now i left to be a writer

**fairlyoddnora:** the fairy godmother thing kinda takes up a lot of my time

**originalpunk:** i was kinda forced onto this team but it’s either this or possibly get killed by my sisters so. here i am

**z:** my brother kidnapped me n i decided to stay

**whitecanary:** i can’t get rid of her

**z:** hey i’m a delight

**thegreathawkgirl:** and i thought how rip recruited us was weird

**whitecanary:** to be fair, that also involved kidnapping

**thegreathawkgirl:** yeah, true

**captainpantsuit:** I would ask about the kidnapping thing, but that’s better than how Rip found me.

**whitecanary:** yeah no he told us a lie abt being legends in his time then said ‘oh actually it’s cuz y’all suck’

**whitecanary:** and look at us now rip!!

**thegreathawkgirl:** i’m proud of you guys for like. surviving this long

**whitecanary:** thanks no one’s died on this team for a year and a half now so we’re doing great at that whole surviving thing

**fairlyoddnora:** uh didn’t nate die??

**silverkaupe:** yeah i specifically remember his death… we were all kinda there

**z:** i wasn’t

**z:** he died?

**whitecanary:** but we brought him back to life with a song! it’s fine! he’s fine now!

**captainpantsuit:** He didn’t just… die then we did karaoke. I swear it’s better than it sounds. 

**thegreathawkgirl:** i would ask what the story behind that was but sometimes the less i know about what goes down with you guys the better

**silverkaupe:** you get used to secondhand word of their tales eventually

**silverkaupe:** you should stick around to hear the crazy!

**thegreathawkgirl:** okay? i guess?

**originalpunk:** it’ll be fun

**captainpantsuit:** If you ignore all the weed jokes.

**whitecanary:** says the one who declared this chat full horny

**fairlyoddnora:** and we’re back to this oh god

**z:** you agreed to stay too soon

**thegreathawkgirl:** i think i’ll manage

**silverkaupe:** so how are you all liking the book so far

**whitecanary:** FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KENDRA BABEY i love her  
> lowkey regretting that i can't add lovebirds in here dfindfkjf anyways. kendra. love of my life.  
> so. yeah. i'm posting this now bc i have a joke i might need to get out before A Certain Date rip


	7. literal legends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some origin stories are discussed, and of course, everyone is a little nosy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a moment of silence for best boy behrad tarazi, celebrated one last 420 before everything went down

**captainpantsuit:** Sara, your children are getting high in the lab.

**whitecanary:** first of all, there’s a reason the non-science-y half is called the stoner cave

**whitecanary:** secondly they’re not my children, i’m like a glorified babysitter at best

**captainpantsuit:** then what am i?

**whitecanary:** idk my co-nanny or smth

**originalpunk:** may i remind you all that i’m thousands of years older than any of you

**captainpantsuit:** They have a point.

**whitecanary:** okay who is it

**captainpantsuit:** Behrad, which is expected, but John is also there?

**captainpantsuit:** I heard suspicious noises from the lab and decided to check it out. 

**whitecanary:** well that sure is unexpected

**thegreathawkgirl:** okay since i left you have a proper lab?? with a stoner cave?

**thegreathawkgirl:** man u leave for a few years n miss all the fun

**whitecanary:** i know

**whitecanary:** too bad the stoner cave didn’t come around until after martin retired

**thegreathawkgirl:** really a shame

**silverkaupe:** how did i just notice that you two both have bird names

**thegreathawkgirl:** oh yeah huh

**whitecanary:** yeah except hers a little more… literal than mine

**thegreathawkgirl:** i’m kinda a reincarnated hawk goddess

**silverkaupe:** and i thought being a hawaiian werewolf was weird

**originalpunk:** try being an actual deity

**originalpunk:** can’t beat that can ya

**thegreathawkgirl:** i could try

**captainpantsuit:** So this team has always just been a clusterfuck. Good to know.

**whitecanary:** what did u expect

**captainpantsuit:** I don’t know. I’ve gotten too used to the weirdness.

**whitecanary:** it was about time

**whitecanary:** hey who’s older?

**originalpunk:** oh god

**originalpunk:** never ask a shapeshifter their age

**thegreathawkgirl:** probably in the ballpark of four thousand years

**originalpunk:** HA! beat u

**originalpunk:** i’ve been here forever

**whitecanary:** i thought u didn’t want to talk abt ur age

**originalpunk:** yeah but i can never pass up a challenge

**silverkaupe:** wait hold on what was there before the lab

**thegreathawkgirl:** BACK IN MY DAY

**whitecanary:** oh jeez

**thegreathawkgirl:** we just all hung out in the cargo bay

**thegreathawkgirl:** there was literally no other place to spend time

**silverkaupe:** not even the library?

**whitecanary:** oh you Child

**thegreathawkgirl:** sara you need to invite me over more often

**whitecanary:** hey when we’re done with our current shit n we have our annual lull in action, i’ll make a point to swing by st. roch and give u a proper tour

**thegreathawkgirl:** yeah maybe i’ll hook you up with some free coffee

**whitecanary:** maybe?

**thegreathawkgirl:** probably

**thegreathawkgirl:** perks of being the boss

**whitecanary:** oh shit! did u start a coffee shop?

**thegreathawkgirl:** hell yeah just opened up last year

**whitecanary:** nice

**captainpantsuit:** Is it just me or is the chat empty today?

**silverkaupe:** nora’s probably actually doing her job

**captainpantsuit:** What, and you aren’t?

**silverkaupe:** i’m on my lunch break!

**whitecanary:** from writing?

**silverkaupe:** burnout is some real shit y’all

**whitecanary:** you haven’t even published ur first book yet

**silverkaupe:** writers’ block is some real shit y’all

**captainpantsuit:** Zari is… somewhere on this ship. 

**captainpantsuit:** I haven’t seen her since this morning when she offered to tidy up my cuticles for me. 

**silverkaupe:** maybe reading the book for our meeting tomorrow?

**originalpunk:** nah she finished that already

**whitecanary:** how do you know?

**originalpunk:** let’s say me and z have been spending a lot of time together lately

**fairlyoddnora:** KNEW IT

**captainpantsuit:** Have you been lurking this whole time?

**fairlyoddnora:** my sixth sense abt knowing when kids need me also applies to knowing when i’m right about smth

**originalpunk:** well u don’t have to gloat

**fairlyoddnora:** there’s not much gloating i mean. it was pretty obvious

**captainpantsuit:** Well, I mean, yeah. Anyone with eyes and ears could tell. 

**whitecanary:** wait? what about nate?

**originalpunk:** why are you all so nosy

**captainpantsuit:** Getting into other people’s business is the funnest thing to do when we don’t have to stop the timeline from fucking itself over sometimes. 

**thegreathawkgirl:** some things never change then

**captainpantsuit:** Yeah, you live on a ship with seven to ten people and all privacy goes out the window.

**thegreathawkgirl:** oh i know all about that

**fairlyoddnora:** unfortunately true

**originalpunk:** eh i’ve gotten used to it

**fairlyoddnora:** says the person who fucked someone in the one room with a window

**originalpunk:** can we PLEASE stop bringing this up

**fairlyoddnora:** not until i can bleach my brain

**thegreathawkgirl:** i’m not sure i want to ask

**captainpantsuit:** I don’t know if I’ll survive another conversation about that incident.

**originalpunk:** can we talk about something that isn’t this

**z:** what are we talking about

**fairlyoddnora:** the amount of public sex on this ship

**originalpunk:** WHY

**thegreathawkgirl:** you know what how about we don’t talk about that anymore

**z:** yeah i’m with her on this one can we not

**silverkaupe:** let’s talk abt something else!

**silverkaupe:** like. hey. if anyone actually read the fucking book

**fairlyoddnora:** i did

**fairlyoddnora:** i made ray listen to me read some passages while he was cooking

**fairlyoddnora:** he enjoyed drew’s character

**silverkaupe:** that’s nice

**z:** it was good! a lot better than i was expecting

**originalpunk:** i basically got the plot from listening to zari talk abt it

**captainpantsuit:** I’m still reading it. 

**captainpantsuit:** No spoilers or I’m changing the chore wheel specifically to spite you all. 

**fairlyoddnora:** but i’m not on the ship so i can do whatever i want

**whitecanary:** letting u take over the chore wheel was too much power

**captainpantsuit:** I was just kidding, babe. I would never abuse the chore wheel like that. 

**z:** how did u manage to sound unconvincing over text

**captainpantsuit:** I was being serious???

**captainpantsuit:** I promise I won’t change the chore wheel as punishment. Someone needs to act responsibly around here, after all.

**whitecanary:** you know what that’s fair

**whitecanary:** that’s why ur my co-nanny

**originalpunk:** is that ur prognasta-whatever going over

**captainpantsuit:** It’s the Prognasticator, and yes, I think it is.

**whitecanary:** oh god john and behrad are gonna be lit out of their mind during this mission

**z:** wonderful

**originalpunk:** well this is gonna be fun

**captainpantsuit:** Duty calls. It was nice chatting with everyone!

**z:** kisses!

**whitecanary:** don’t get into trouble

**fairlyoddnora:** you did sound kinda maternal there

**whitecanary:** bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would sara know that kendra n carter broke up? probably, but there was no one else to check up on carter  
> anyways. chapter eight will be going up... sometime. who knows. hope u enjoyed this chapter


	8. when the legends are away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Nora, Mona, and Kendra talk about when everyone else is busy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. i don't have a relevant joke to make abt last night's ep with this chapter. enjoy!

**thegreathawkgirl:** and then there were three. 

**fairlyoddnora:** so… anyone have anything fun to share with the class?

**silverkaupe:** no i’m just trying to keep my cat from stealing a bite of my tuna sandwich

**silverkaupe:** [littlestthief.jpg]

**thegreathawkgirl:** oh she’s so cute! what’s her name?

**fairlyoddnora:** she’s named after a three-boobed warrior queen from one of mick’s novels

**silverkaupe:** her name is garima :)

**thegreakhawkgirl:** that’s a cute name!

**thegreathawkgirl:** i’m not even going to address the… three boobs thing

**fairlyoddnora:** good thinking

**silverkaupe:** she’s my little baby

**silverkaupe:** even when she wants my dinner

**fairlyoddnora:** mona i must warn u

**silverkaupe:** what?

**fairlyoddnora:** the only thing keeping me from planning to steal ur cat when i come over tomorrow is that i fear ray will go into a sneezing fit if he even sees me holding a cat

**silverkaupe:** never thought i’d ever be thankful for his allergies

**thegreathawkgirl:** yeah they were pretty bad

**thegreathawkgirl:** he was kinda cute when he sneezed but other than that, it was a rough time

**fairlyoddnora:** he is a little adorable when he does that

**silverkaupe:** i’m gonna steer away from this conversation abt how cute ray is

**silverkaupe:** what are u up to kendra

**thegreathawkgirl:** oh! i’m technically supposed to be getting ready for work

**thegreathawkgirl:** i teach a self defense class over at the local community center

**silverkaupe:** that’s cool!

**fairlyoddnora:** what abt ur coffee shop?

**thegreathawkgirl:** well. i guess it’s more of a hobby than work

**thegreathawkgirl:** kinda had too much time on my hands after taking a break from vigilantism

**fairlyoddnora:** fair enough

**fairlyoddnora:** at least someone has a normal career in this chat

**silverkaupe:** you say that like being an author isn’t a normal career

**fairlyoddnora:** good point

**silverkaupe:** i went from delivery girl to caretaker of magical creatures at the time bureau to literary agent to author

**fairlyoddnora:** and all while saying no to yale law school

**thegreathawkgirl:** well i mean

**thegreathawkgirl:** who needs law school when you’re a werewolf

**silverkaupe:** put that on a pillow

**fairlyoddnora:** hey that could be the basis of ur next book

**fairlyoddnora:** a werewolf in law school

**silverkaupe:** i need to finish this one first

**silverkaupe:** it’s set in imperial russia

**fairlyoddnora:** is this bc of the rasputin mission

**fairlyoddnora:** where ray blew the man up by flying inside of him and re-embiggening

**thegreathawkgirl:** wait wait wait wait wait wait WHAT

**fairlyoddnora:** yeah

**silverkaupe:** it was… an interesting day

**fairlyoddnora:** we had jars of rasputin in the pantry for WEEKS

**fairlyoddnora:** i swear i caught his eye checking out my ass once

**thegreathawkgirl:** horny beyond the grave

**silverkaupe:** guess that’s the name of my next romance novel with a vampire and a werewolf falling in love while in grad school

**fairlyoddnora:** i know you’re joking but i think mick would actually set himself on fire if u actually published a rebecca silver title with that name

**silverkaupe:** yeah probably

**thegreathawkgirl:** i mean he did hit himself with a car once

**fairlyoddnora:** oh this sounds like a story

**thegreathawkgirl:** u know how sara mentioned mick stranding us in the 50s?

**silverkaupe:** yeah i was a lil curious abt that

**thegreathawkgirl:** he spent some time as a bounty hunter with the time masters as chronos after his partner tried and failed to kill him

**silverkaupe:** his husband?

**thegreathawkgirl:** … you know, wouldn’t surprise me if they had been married

**thegreathawkgirl:** anyways as soon as we went to actually see where savage was in 1977, mick, sara, n his partner len apparently got wild n came back in the perfect time to run into chronos while he was trying to kill us

**thegreathawkgirl:** my son also died that day so it wasn’t that funny but. u know.

**fairlyoddnora:** i didn’t know you had kids

**thegreathawkgirl:** i mean technically he was a past me’s kid but. same diff

**fairlyoddnora:** anyways nice to know that mick just rear-ended himself

**thegreathawkgirl:** power move: hitting urself with a car

**silverkaupe:** what an icon

**z:** wow i go offline for like five minutes and u guys talk up a storm

**fairlyoddnora:** aren’t u supposed to be stopping an encore

**z:** i’m on qb duty. obvi

**z:** what are you guys talking abt

**fairlyoddnora:** mick hitting himself with a car

**thegreathawkgirl:** real fun stuff

**z:** ah

**silverkaupe:** what do you think abt the name ‘horny beyond the grave’

**fairlyoddnora:** MONA

**z:** how am i supposed to feel abt it?????

**thegreathawkgirl:** i make one joke abt rasputin being a legendary perv

**z:** why do u know so much abt rasputin

**thegreathawkgirl:** i get bored

**thegreathawkgirl:** and sometimes i go down a rabbit hole on wikipedia

**thegreathawkgirl:** russia’s greatest love machine had a serious sex addiction

**silverkaupe:** the more you know

**z:** is that people do for fun in the 20s

**fairlyoddnora:** why do u talk abt the present like it’s the 90s

**z:** you’re older than me. why don’t you?

**thegreathawkgirl:** please don’t fight in the book club group chat

**silverkaupe:** fight fight fight

**z:** i won’t

**z:** a lady doesn’t start fights

**fairlyoddnora:** was that a fucking aristrocats reference

**z:** look,,,,

**z:** oh ava’s abt to have a brush with death. brb

**silverkaupe:** WHAT

**z:** she’s probably fine

**thegreathawkgirl:** who hasn’t had a brush with death on a legends mission

**silverkaupe:** u know that’s fair

**thegreathawkgirl:** oh shit i’m late for class

**fairlyoddnora:** teach some ppl to kick ass

**thegreathawkgirl:** thx!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will we get another chapter like this? maybe. but it's fun to write the three of them just chilling (before, u know, z joined in)   
> anyways. "horny beyond the grave." this fic's 'sexting god'. and no, i'm not explaining that reference.


	9. book club aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chat reconvenes after a book club meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact i forgot i drafted all these chapters back like. at the beginning of the month so hi! i said i was gonna wait until i finished writing sszn before i started posting for this fic again but uhhh writers' block sucks and i wanted serotonin from reading comments lol  
> anyways. has it been like two months? it's been like two months since i last updated so congrats, i still exist. i have like. this fic written out to chapter 16, don't know how long it'll actually be bc i don't want to spin it out foreverrrr but yeah.  
> so. that finale huh  
> let's dive back in

**silverkaupe:** well that was a fun meeting

 **silverkaupe:** no need to debrief or talk about what really happened there at all

 **whitecanary:** yeah! it was nice to reconnect

 **fairlyoddnora:** i know it’s only been a few weeks but damn i already missed y’all

 **whitecanary:** how could u not we’re wonderful

 **captainpantsuit:** It was nice to see you two too.

 **originalpunk:** i didn’t hate it as much as i thought i would

 **z:** see! i told you it would be fun!

 **originalpunk:** well i never said it was fun

 **z:** but it was fun, wasn’t it

 **originalpunk:** maybe

 **originalpunk:** just a little

 **originalpunk:** it was kinda fun

 **fairlyoddnora:** ray tried to give me a hug when i came home and now he’s just sneezing

 **originalpunk:** rip rayge, died of indirect cat snuggles

 **whitecanary:** we’ll visit u in jail

 **fairlyoddnora:** that’s a lie u never visited me the first time i was in jail

 **whitecanary:** good point

 **whitecanary:** but ur dad and i had beef so

 **fairlyoddnora:** also fair

 **silverkaupe:** [boobpillow.jpg]

 **silverkaupe:** but i mean…. it was worth the cuddles

 **fairlyoddnora:** i can finally get that life insurance pay out

 **captainpantsuit:** Okay, we watch too much Snapped together.

 **z:** there’s no such thing as too much snapped

 **whitecanary:** new plan next book club meeting we just watch snapped

 **whitecanary:** and i can criticize all their rookie mistakes

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i don’t know what i just came into

 **z:** you get used to it

 **thegreathawkgirl:** but is sara planning on using her league knowledge to point out how every killer on snapped fucked up

 **whitecanary:** i mean, how do you spend your saturday night

 **thegreathawkgirl:** reading at home? doing yoga? _not_ doing that?

 **fairlyoddnora:** boring

 **captainpantsuit:** It’s better than my Saturday night routine.

 **originalpunk:** you mean mumbling in the kitchen abt how no one does their fucking dishes on this ship for a half hour

 **z:** well i always do the dishes when it’s my turn

 **whitecanary:** you were the one who said you should be exempt from dish duty because you spend the most on your manicures

 **z:** okay but now i wear gloves

 **z:** no matter how uncomfortable they are

 **silverkaupe:** okay when i first moved out i was kinda sad abt not having roommates anymore but this whole conversation just made me so happy i live alone

 **thegreathawkgirl:** ditto

 **whitecanary:** what happened to carter?

 **thegreathawkgirl:** ah mick wasn’t entirely inaccurate with his prediction

 **whitecanary:** oh

 **thegreathawkgirl:** but it’s chill ya know i did some globe trotting

 **thegreathawkgirl:** it’s easier when u don’t have to pay for plane fare

 **whitecanary:** please don’t tell me you flew across the ocean

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i did take some planes but mostly i flew on my own

 **z:** oh you have wings? that’s cool

 **fairlyoddnora:** ooh charlie u may have competition

 **z:** look if u had the chance to have wings you’d take it wouldn’t you?

 **whitecanary:** i would

 **thegreathawkgirl:** it is pretty fun

 **originalpunk:** eh i’m fine with my powers

 **silverkaupe:** yeah same

 **silverkaupe:** even if, u know, i couldn’t control them at first

 **thegreathawkgirl:** oh me neither

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i went all winged avenger on some dudes

 **silverkaupe:** yeah! i killed a man the first time i went full wolfie

 **captainpantsuit:** The casual tone that you use to admit you committed second-degree murder is frighteningly positive.

 **fairlyoddnora:** i mean sara brought up using her background as an assassin to analyze every mistake killers made on a true crime show

 **z:** yeah you guys dropping ur trauma like it’s nbd is a little too common

 **z:** like, are you guys okay? should i give you the number to my therapist?

 **whitecanary:** you have a therapist?

 **z:** being in the public eye is wearing on one’s mental health

 **fairlyoddnora:** yeah no i have a little bit of hesitation abt mental health professionals

 **fairlyoddnora:** bc the last time i was in a mental hospital or smth was when i was part of a cult

 **thegreathawkgirl:** well that is. a whole lot to unload right now

 **fairlyoddnora:** yeah

 **silverkaupe:** but book club is our general alternative to therapy

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i’m so concerned

 **z:** you and me both

 **captainpantsuit:** We all have some general degree of trauma, right?

 **whitecanary:** it’s practically a requirement to join this team

 **z:** once again. extremely concerned. 

**thegreathawkgirl:** i’ve basically dealt with my shit thru the emotional catharsis of killing the dude who murdered me two hundred times because he thought that would make me fall in love with him but

 **thegreathawkgirl:** ya know. it’s hard sometimes

 **z:** …. i think i need that weed brownie behrad offered me earlier

 **originalpunk:** i thought the purpose of book club was to talk about this during the meeting

 **silverkaupe:** yeah but zari and i were like. on the same wavelength with our feelings about alexa and olivia’s relationship

 **fairlyoddnora:** i think you guys spent twenty minutes talking abt it

 **z:** it was an important part of the novel to me okay

 **whitecanary:** is that because of ur recent reconnection with behrad

 **z:** we are PAST the emotional shit goodbye

 **captainpantsuit:** And there she goes, never to be seen again.

 **originalpunk:** can’t blame her, all this emotional talk isn’t my scene either 

**originalpunk:** i think i’m gonna peace out as well

 **silverkaupe:** use protection ;)

 **whitecanary:** love we just immediately assumed that meant they were going to bone

 **whitecanary:** okay then

 **silverkaupe:** and that doesn’t just mean a condom charlie

 **fairlyoddnora:** safe sex advocate mona wu at it again

 **silverkaupe:** well i’m sorry but someone has to be

 **silverkaupe:** or we’d all end up like mick and his accidental daughter

 **whitecanary:** or like stein and his accidental daughter

 **whitecanary:** you know, kinda weird that something like this has happened twice during my time as captain

 **fairlyoddnora:** does no one know how to use a condom on this team

 **whitecanary:** apparently not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another fun fact for y'all: i wrote the part abt kendra n carter breaking up before 'cooped up' was released and i was like. the universe really works in mysterious ways  
> if u liked this chapter, leave a comment or a kudo if you haven't already! next chapter is... about nothing, if i remember correctly. the actual stuff that happens in the second half of the season starts in chapter eleven. when will the next chapter come out? probably after i actually finish sszn like i'm supposed to be doing   
> anyways this is time for me to promote 'stay stabby z nation', my zava fic w/ ava bein a full time podcaster n zari bein an influencer, i know this isn't my zava demographic but like. it's good i promise. i don't have a fun unique send off for this fic so i guess, stay stabby bookies


	10. no explanation needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A normal conversation takes a hard left.

**fairlyoddnora:** guys i have exciting news

 **silverkaupe:** you’re pregnant?

 **fairlyoddnora:** what no

 **fairlyoddnora:** [betterthanababy.png]

 **fairlyoddnora:** we got a lizard

 **silverkaupe:** ooh!

 **fairlyoddnora:** i let ray pick his name so now he is… sir galahad the gecko

 **thegreathawkgirl:** better than slinky

 **z:** oh definitely

 **z:** he’s such a cute lil fella!

 **captainpantsuit:** Why am I unsurprised that you think geckos are adorable?

 **z:** bc they are?? excuse me for having eyes

 **z:** i love him already

 **silverkaupe:** who do you like more: garima the calico or sir galahad the gecko

 **z:** that’s not a fair question

 **z:** but nora. u better send more photos of sir galahad

 **fairlyoddnora:** thank you for respecting his title

 **z:** you’re welcome

 **thegreathawkgirl:** he is a very adorable gecko though…

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i tried getting a bird but they’re very high maintenance and that’s hard to balance with owning a cafe and teaching self defense classes

 **thegreathawkgirl:** also. surprisingly hard to adopt a hawk in louisiana 

**whitecanary:** few can own a pet that fits their Brand

 **captainpantsuit:** Didn’t you literally take on the name _Canary_ because of a pet bird you had as a kid?

 **whitecanary:** well that wasn’t the full reason but yeah, kind of

 **captainpantsuit:** I’ve never had a pet.

 **thegreathawkgirl:** really? not even as a kid

 **captainpantsuit:** I didn’t get to experience any semblance of a childhood until John turned me into a kid so we could catch a shtriga

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i’m sorry i didn’t know

 **captainpantsuit:** It’s alright.

 **originalpunk:** can we go one conversation without delving into someone’s deep emotional issues

 **fairlyoddnora:** apparently not

 **originalpunk:** awesome

 **thegreathawkgirl:** so! geckos and the lack of a childhood aside, what’s everyone up to today?

 **silverkaupe:** rewatching sex ed bc there’s nothing better to do

 **captainpantsuit:** Don’t you have a book to write?

 **silverkaupe:** it’s my day off

 **silverkaupe:** besides. how could i ignore the allure of gillian anderson

 **captainpantsuit:** That’s fair. 

**silverkaupe:** she’s like milf status in this show too

 **captainpantsuit:** MILF status?

 **silverkaupe:** oh fuck

 **whitecanary:** damn i can’t have u put a dollar in the daddy jar

 **thegreathawkgirl:**????

 **silverkaupe:** i called her a milf that doesn’t count

 **z:** the WHAT

 **originalpunk:** oh hell i’d almost forgotten that existed

 **thegreathawkgirl:** how has the word daddy become such a plague on this ship that we have a jar for it??

 **originalpunk:** i, personally, have never said the d word on this ship and will not take any responsibility

 **whitecanary:** nate

 **captainpantsuit:** John.

 **whitecanary:** behrad, once, unfortunately

 **thegreathawkgirl:** oh

 **z:** how did i only now learn about this

 **captainpantsuit:** Because you got to avoid the day Nate said ‘daddy alert’ and Sara sprayed him with a bottle of vinegar.

 **whitecanary:** IT WAS WATER

 **captainpantsuit:** Also, that doesn’t count. I don’t have to put a dollar in the DK jar.

 **captainpantsuit:** It was vinegar, babe. 

**fairlyoddnora:** the real question is why sara conveniently had a spray bottle of vinegar

 **fairlyoddnora:** almost like she’d been planning for that exact occasion…

 **silverkaupe:** CONSPIRACY

 **whitecanary:** jesus christ

 **whitecanary:** can’t a woman carry around a spray bottle of vinegar without a reason

 **z:** no???

 **fairlyoddnora:** no

 **silverkaupe:** no

 **thegreathawkgirl:** no

 **captainpantsuit:** No.

 **whitecanary:** ava?? kendra?? you’re going to turn on me like this???

 **originalpunk:** oh shit things are getting spicy

 **whitecanary:** CHARLIE

 **originalpunk:** what? this is the most interesting thing that’s happened this week

 **captainpantsuit:** I just don’t understand why you’d need vinegar on hand.

 **whitecanary:** maybe i can have my own reasons for things babe

 **fairlyoddnora:** like harassing nate?

 **whitecanary:** i have never planned to assault nate w/ vinegar in my life

 **z:** but… why vinegar? why not anything else?

 **whitecanary:** ….

 **whitecanary:** i have my reasons

 **whitecanary:** and as ur captain i order you all to stop asking questions

 **thegreathawkgirl:** that only works on half of us

 **whitecanary:** DAMNIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u know usually i can explain what was going thru my head when i wrote a chapter but it's been so long that i forgot how it ended the way it took  
> all i know is that i can partially blame me wanting to make a joke abt mona loving gillian anderson and it turned into... this  
> anyways, if u liked, leave a comment or a kudo if you've gotten this far without leaving one, next week there is a surprise addition to the group chat (who probably isn't much of a surprise if u know me tbh)  
> keep it crispy, stay stabby, whatever


	11. our lady of the underground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A guest joins the chatroom... despite her wishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is time,,,, for us to trek into shit that actually happened on the show  
> i wish i had smth wittier to say but all i can say is enjoy

**silverkaupe:** huh the chat’s been kinda quiet lately

 **fairlyoddnora:** i haven’t had a moment to myself in a while give me a break

 **silverkaupe:** yeah fair

 **thegreathawkgirl:** it has felt empty

 **originalpunk:** i kinda forgot this group chat existed

 **originalpunk:** a lot of shit’s happened this week

 **silverkaupe:** what kinda crap

 **originalpunk:** uh sara’s in a coma after fighting with my sister

 **originalpunk:** then she killed behrad so that’s been tough

 **originalpunk:** we’ve got all the pieces for our latest macguffin

 **captainpantsuit:** Yeah, it’s been a week.

 **thegreathawkgirl:** sara’s in a coma?

 **captainpantsuit:** She saw a god’s true form and somehow survived. 

**originalpunk:** except for you know

 **originalpunk:** the whole coma thing and what not

 **captainpantuit:** oh that reminds me

**captainpantsuit** added **astralogue** to the group

**fairlyoddnora:** hey long time no see

 **astralogue:** hey. didn’t think i’d see you here, sparkles. 

**captainpantsuit:** Wait. I didn’t know you two knew each other. 

**fairlyoddnora:** she helped us in hell when we were finding ray

 **silverkaupe:** i’m a little out of the loop so

 **silverkaupe:** who is she and why is she here in our group chat

 **captainpantsuit:** Meet Astra, our current visitor aboard the Waverider and former pain in my ass.

 **captainpantsuit:** AKA, the woman behind all the Encores.

 **astralogue:** why am i in this stupid group chat anyways? 

**captainpantsuit:** Why not?

 **astralogue:** that’s not a good enough reason.

 **silverkaupe:** u know this group chat was originally gonna be for book club but ig we’ll just keep adding ppl

**originalpunk** changed the group name to **legends and various acquaintances**

**fairlyoddnora:** seems right

 **thegreathawkgirl:** yo

 **thegreathawkgirl:** new legend?

 **astralogue:** fortunately, no.

 **originalpunk:** rude

 **astralogue:** i’m only here to use the loom.

 **fairlyoddnora:** that’s fair

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i would ask what happened but once again at this point i’ve learned not to ask questions

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i’m assuming you’re not shamecubing her bc i think 

**silverkaupe:** shamecubing?????

 **originalpunk:** isn’t that what you lot did to me

 **captainpantsuit:** You mean the Legends locking you up before they fully trusted you?

 **thegreathawkgirl:** yup

 **originalpunk:** yeah

 **thegreathawkgirl:** we pulled that on mick after we found out he was chronos

 **originalpunk:** it’s not so much of a cube these days really

 **captainpantsuit:** Ah.

 **astralogue:** i’m not locked up, i’m just annoying john.

 **z:** oh same

 **captainpantsuit:** Hey, I thought you’d lost your phone there for a moment.

 **z:** i’d never lose my phone ava that’s my livelihood

 **silverkaupe:** sorry about your brother :(

 **z:** and this is exactly why i didn’t want to come on byeee

 **z:** we’re gonna bring him back anyways

 **astralogue:** what do you mean bring him back?

 **z:** with the loom duh

 **astralogue:**...but john said he was going to bring my mom back.

 **z:** guess you’re going to have to wait :/

 **captainpantsuit:** Why do I sense a fight?

 **astralogue:** he made a deal with me first, i think it’s fair if i have first dibs.

 **originalpunk:** i’m out

 **z:** charlie

 **originalpunk:** no

 **z:** sweetie

 **fairlyoddnora:** ooh breaking out the pet names that’s low even for u tarazi

 **z:** how would u know

 **captainpantsuit:** We can figure this out when Sara is conscious, okay?

 **captainpantsuit:** There’s not enough room in the medbay if a fight breaks out.

 **z:** fair enough

 **astralogue:** fine.

 **fairlyoddnora:** ava,,, ur lesbian power in action

 **captainpantsuit:** Why do you assume me being a lesbian has to do with this?

 **fairlyoddnora:** wild guess

 **originalpunk:** with our gay energies combined we could have world peace

 **captainpantsuit:** Hm.

 **originalpunk:** are u considering it

 **captainpantsuit:** I might be.

 **thegreathawkgirl:** is this always what happens when sara’s gone

 **originalpunk:** yep

 **captainpantsuit:** No.

 **z:** i haven’t been aorund enough to answer that

 **astralogue:** now i see why john hangs out with you nerds.

 **z:** i’m not a nerd i’m an influencer

 **astralogue:** you say that like i’m supposed to care.

 **captainpantsuit:** PLEASE.

 **fairlyoddnora:** u made ava type in all caps u went too far

 **captainpantsuit:** What did I say about fighting?

 **astralogue:** not to?

 **z:** we won’t :)

 **captainpantsuit:** That’s a very unconvincing smiley emoji, Zari.

 **z:** well i tried

 **astralogue:** i’m done here. ta-ta.

**astralogue** has left the group

**fairlyoddnora:** damn i wanted to see a fight

 **captainpantsuit:** I don’t get paid enough for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i really love astra okay goodnight leave a comment if u would be so kind or if u, like me, also love astra  
> (don't worry this isn't the last we'll see of her i promise)


	12. texting telephone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara returns from her coma. Things are slightly more chaotic than usual.

**captainpantsuit:** I just watched John get bullied by a sixteen year old.

**fairlyoddnora:** he probably deserved it

**thegreathawkgirl:** man these new legends are getting younger and younger

**z:** didn’t you assume i was twelve

**thegreathawkgirl:** WELL

**captainpantsuit:** It’s Mick’s daughter, Lita.

**whitecanary:** And shes been mean to John

**fairlyoddnora:** hey you’re alive

**whitecanary:** Thanks for the concern

**fairlyoddnora:** and, i repeat, he probably deserved it

**thegreathawkgirl:** why are u typing like that

**whitecanary:** Trying to use speech to text

**fairlyoddnora:** why??????

**originalpunk:** turns out surviving after you’ve seen a god’s true form has consequences

**whitecanary:** I can nut see

**z:** sara

**z:** have siri read out that message for you

**whitecanary:** Why must I suffer

**thegreathawkgirl:** oh

**whitecanary:** Good news though

**whitecanary:** I can see the future

**fairlyoddnora:** seems like a fair trade off to me

**fairlyoddnora:** other than sara being a blind psychic what’s new

**z:** we nearly got killed by a dog

**silverkaupe:** i’ve only read those last two texts and honestly

**silverkaupe:** i don’t know what’s going on and i don’t know if i want to ask

**whitecanary:** It was a hellhound

**z:** gary adopted a hellhound as a therapy dog

**whitecanary:** That Gary saved from hell

**captainpantsuit:** The ship broke when we tried to use the loom so we were stuck on board with it.

**z:** it tried to kill us for funsies

**whitecanary:** It almost made me kill people

**z:** it mind controlled nate, charlie, and i

**fairlyoddnora:** that’s the least surprising part of it

**z:** hey

**originalpunk:** hey

**captainpantsuit:** Nate isn’t even here to defend himself.

**fairlyoddnora:** but am i wrong

**whitecanary:** Ava is gonna text for me cause this is exhausting

**silverkaupe:** what about astra? was she involved in us

**originalpunk:** yeah she’s still on the ship

**captainpantsuit:** We ‘shame-cubed’ her.

**captainpantsuit:** Sara says, “There’s no brig, is shame cube really the best word?”

**originalpunk:** maybe shame tube

**z:** only for like, an hour cuz we thought she tried to steal the loom but it’s fine now!

**captainpantsuit:** “Is it?”

**z:** i’d say add her to the gc again but apparently she’s not planning on sticking around or whatever

**fairlyoddnora:** add her anywyays

**captainpantsuit: “** You added her to the group chat???”

**captainpantsuit:** She did specify for me to add three question marks.

**z:** like you weren’t the one who did it

**captainpantsuit:** You’re just going to call me out like that, huh.

**fairlyoddnora:** it’s fair

**captainpantsuit:** “Was that really your best idea, Ava?”

**originalpunk:** man i missed having sara in the gc

**originalpunk:** even if it is by proxy

**silverkaupe:** same

**silverkaupe:** i’m trying to write and text at the same time

**captainpantsuit:** Why not just mute us and work?

**silverkaupe:** bc then i miss out on all the fun

**fairlyoddnora:** what would u do if u missed out on the latest legends hijinks of the week

**silverkaupe:** i mean i’d probably be okay but i do live for the drama

**fairlyoddnora:** and that’s why we should add astra back to the group chat!

**originalpunk:** why are u so passionate abt this

**fairlyoddnora:** i don’t have anything better to do

**z:** how abt spending time with ur husband

**fairlyoddnora:** he’ll survive

**captainpantsuit:** “Sometimes, I forget you two are married.”

**fairlyoddnora:** how did u forget you literally officiated it

**z:** was that wedding even legal?

**originalpunk:** yeah i’m pretty sure you didn’t get a marriage license or anything

**fairlyoddnora:** LOOK

**captainpantsuit:** “If you wanted a legal marriage, we should have done it on the ship.”

**captainpantsuit:** “Like the way of the sea.” ????

**thegreathawkgirl:** sara it’s a time ship not an aquatic vessel

**z:** shout out to ava’s confusion, a mood for us all

**captainpantsuit:** I don’t know marine law!

**originalpunk:** they didn’t train u on that at time bureau school?

**silverkaupe:** that’s not a thing

**fairlyoddnora:** no u just have piles and piles and piles of paperwork

**captainpantsuit:** The only education I have is my false bachelor’s in political science from Brixton and the memories of high school that Rip gave me.

**captainpantsuit:** “Rip didn’t even give you a Master’s?”

**fairlyoddnora:** GOD

**z:** who in this chat has actually gone to college

**thegreathawkgirl:** in this life? i have a BA in english

**silverkaupe:** same! english lit, but not too far off

**captainpantsuit:** “The Gambit crash happened when I was in sophomore year and I started taking classes online while we were on shore leave, but no actual degree.”

**z:** i went to juillard’s theatre school

**fairlyoddnora:** of course u did

**originalpunk:** i learned from the great minds themselves

**z:** well we already know u fucked shakespeare

**fairlyoddnora:** did i miss smth on that mission

**silverkaupe:** goals

**originalpunk:** like we don’t know what went down with jane austen

**captainpantsuit:** “You got her onto the historical fucks list.”

**silverkaupe:** hell yeah i did

**z:** i think i can assume what the historical fucks list is

**thegreathawkgirl:** man i really missed all the fun shit huh

**originalpunk:** yup

**captainpantsuit:** Charlie, Sara asks, “Did you put

**captainpantsuit:** I’m not finishing that text.

**originalpunk:** the suspense is gonna kill me now

**captainpantsuit:** She asked if you put Zari on the historical fucks list yet.

**captainpantsuit:** Oh, that wasn’t supposed to be sent to the group chat.

**z:** tell her i’m right fucking here

**fairlyoddnora:** ICONIC

**originalpunk:** why would i put her on the list she lives on the ship

**z:** what i’m not famous enough for u to put on the HF list

**originalpunk:** that’s not what i meant

**captainpantsuit:** “Spicy.”

**captainpantsuit:** Sorry, “SPICY.”

**fairlyoddnora:** the drama

**thegreathawkgirl:** the specification of all caps

**fairlyoddnora:** love being here every day

**z:** brb gonna put myself on HF list

**thegreathawkgirl:** power move

**captainpantsuit:** Wait, don’t let Lita know about the historical fucks list.

**captainpantsuit:** I don’t think Mick would forgive you.

**originalpunk:** just don’t show her mick’s conquests it’ll be fine

**captainpantsuit:** Don’t show her anyone’s conquests. 

**fairlyoddnora:** i didn’t need to think abt that thx charlie

**originalpunk:** you’re welcome

**captainpantsuit:** “Let’s try not to be a bad influence on Mick’s daughter for one day.”

**originalpunk:** he already left her unsupervised with nate

**captainpantsuit:** He’s semi-responsible!

**captainpantsuit:** “And a nerd.”

**z:** she’s not wrong abt that

**originalpunk:** nope

**z:** anyways i added myself to the list n met lita again

**z:** she doesn’t remember the first time we met but she’s nice

**thegreathawkgirl:** why not

**z:** mick memory-flashed her

**thegreathawkgirl:** ah

**z:** she mentioned me being as cute as nate said?

**silverkaupe:** ooh

**captainpantsuit:** “Oh, Nate told her that you were cute?” with an expression I can only describe as concerning. 

**captainpantsuit:** I worry for you. 

**z:** sara u r literally the worst

**captainpantsuit:** Didn’t you fondle his ass when we were all locked up with Astra?

**originalpunk:** god don’t remind me

**captainpantsuit:** As soon as I told Sara what I said she just screamed “WHAT?”

**fairlyoddnora:** fair response

**thegreathawkgirl:** should i ask about,,, the fondling

**z:** ava what have i done to u

**silverkaupe:** more importantly why did you have to use the word ‘fondle’???

**z:** i had my hand on his ass bc that dais isn’t designed to hold six people at once

**captainpantsuit:** We were in a very compact space, Zari. We still all had to experience that.

**originalpunk:** yyeah can we please not relive that

**z:** agreed

**captainpantsuit:** Fine. We’ll pretend it never happened.

**originalpunk:** good idea

**captainpantsuit:** Sara just said she will never let us forget it.

**captainpantsuit:** Let’s hope that’s not a prediction of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't think of anything clever to say in the notes so. leave a comment or maybe a kudo, have a good day, gardez le croustillant


	13. the tuna casserole from hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astra gets dragged back into this chat, whether she likes it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes u just watch one video abt how to make a tuna casserole and get inspired ya know  
> anyways enjoy the chapter

**fairlyoddnora:** kendra ik vandal savage was. the literal worst person to ever live

 **thegreathawkgirl:** that’s true

 **thegreathawkgirl:** what’s ur point

 **fairlyoddnora:** but ray apparently won his recipe for tuna casserole off him in a game of jenga while he was trapped in hell

 **fairlyoddnora:** is it trustworthy should i try the tuna casserole he made

 **thegreathawkgirl:** wait go back

 **thegreathawkgirl:** ray went to hell

 **thegreathawkgirl:** played JENGA with him

 **thegreathawkgirl:** and won a recipe for fucking tuna casserole

 **fairlyoddnora:** are you really surprised

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i mean. i have a lot of questions, but

 **silverkaupe:** oh psychopath tuna casserole sounds delicious

 **fairlyoddnora:** but is it really psychopath tuna casserole if literal ray of sunshine palmer is trying to make it gluten free

 **silverkaupe:** fair enough

 **z:** why are we talking abt tuna casserole

 **fairlyoddnora:** long story short, ray won a recipe for some bomb tuna cassserole in hell

 **z:** oh okay that’s. moderately weird for this chat

 **z:** speaking of hell,

**z** added **astralogue** to the group

**whitecanary:** Why

 **astralogue:** agreed.

 **z:** why not

 **whitecanary:** Thats not a good reason

 **fairlyoddnora:** back to speech to text?

 **whitecanary:** Its fine im getting used to it

 **z:** ava’s busy

 **whitecanary:** That too

 **fairlyoddnora:** anyways astra welcome back

 **astralogue:** thanks. 

**fairlyoddnora:** i could hear the sarcasm in that text

 **whitecanary:** Me too

 **whitecanary:** Literally

 **thegreathawkgirl:** have we progressed to blind jokes now

 **whitecanary:** Well I have nothing better to do with my life now Kendra

 **silverkaupe:** so how are you doing with everything

 **whitecanary:** I nearly tripped over a rabbit

 **fairlyoddnora:** first a hellhound now a rabbit? is this ship turning into a zoo?

 **whitecanary:** Apparently yea

 **astralogue:** wasn’t it already a zoo here without the animals?

 **fairlyoddnora:** very good point

 **whitecanary:** Rude

 **z:** she does have a point tho

 **silverkaupe:** also we did once house a dozen mythical creatures on this ship

 **astralogue:** i don’t know if i want to ask what you people get up to. 

**whitecanary:** Don’t

 **z:** yeah you’ll regret it

 **astralogue:** can i leave this group chat without being re-added?

 **z:** not today

 **astralogue:** you sure are persistent, aren’t you?

 **z:** part of my charm

 **whitecanary:** Is this flirting

 **fairlyoddnora:** wouldn’t surprise me

 **fairlyoddnora:** zari don’t u have someone’s ass to fondle

 **whitecanary:** Charlie or Nate

 **z:** ha ha very funny

 **originalpunk:** weren’t we gonna drop the fondling

 **whitecanary:** Once again I am right

 **whitecanary:** Never gonna let this go

 **z:** can u use ur visions for smth useful

 **whitecanary:** No thats boring

 **originalpunk:** very sara to receive somewhat of a divine gift and abuse it

 **whitecanary:** I’m still your captain

 **originalpunk:** ik

 **thegreathawkgirl:** they’re not wrong tho

 **whitecanary:** Betrayal

 **thegreathawkgirl:** how’s the loom of fate sitch 

**originalpunk:** still tryin to work out the kinks

 **originalpunk:** but neither zari or astra have thrown the other out the airlock to have first choice

 **z:** we tried to bring back behrad but there was some difficulties

 **astralogue:** he made the loom explode

 **z:** he didn’t actually make it explode it just didn’t work

 **originalpunk:** look we’ll try again and get behrad back

 **whitecanary:** I hope we can

 **fairlyoddnora:** man this just got depressing

 **whitecanary:** Story of my life

 **z:** the chances of getting my brother back seem slimmer and slimmer every day and you’re talking abt this convo being depressing for u okay then

 **whitecanary:** Anyways comma comma comma

 **z:** that didn’t do what you hoped 

**whitecanary:** I know

 **thegreathawkgirl:** can i ask abt the rabbit

 **z:** gary’s new non demonic emotional support animal gary jr. ii?

 **z:** i don’t trust it 

**originalpunk:** is that bc nate made us watch gremlins

 **z:** that is exactly why i don’t trust it

 **astralogue:** hold on. you didn’t watch gremlins until now?

 **z:** yeah it’s super retro where i come from

 **astralogue:** hm. 

**z:** i’m from the future. 

**astralogue:** i guessed. 

**z:** why do u sound so confused

 **astralogue:** this whole time travel thing is still weird. 

**z:** u went thru puberty in hell n time travel is weird to u????

 **originalpunk:** all a matter of perspective love 

**fairlyoddnora:** like winning a tuna casserole recipe in a game of jenga

 **astralogue:** what?

 **captainpantsuit:** What?

 **z:** perfect timing

 **astralogue:** finally, a somewhat reasonable person. 

**z:** what abt me?

 **astralogue:** you’re more like semi reasonable.

 **whitecanary:** I would be offended but

 **whitecanary:** I did scare everyone into thinking I was crazy by yelling about demon dogs

 **captainpantsuit:** Yeah, I had no clue what you were on about. 

**whitecanary:** Fair

 **captainpantsuit:** Who added Astra back in the chat? Nora?

 **astralogue:** it was zari. 

**fairlyoddnora:** why did u blame me??

 **whitecanary:** Nora you wanted to add Astra for the drama

 **fairlyoddnora:** u know that is indeed what i did

 **astralogue:** she wouldn’t let me leave. 

**z:** i didn’t say i wouldn’t let you leave i just said i would re-add u if u tried

 **captainpantsuit:** Zari, that sounds like you not letting her leave. 

**z:** if you say so

 **astralogue:** ava, can you tell her to let me out of this damn chat?

 **captainpantsuit:** No.

 **astralogue:** damn it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u liked, leave a comment or maybe a kudo if u haven't. i don't have much to say this week, so gardez-le croustillant, y'all


	14. avant party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Deltas take a quick break to chat with the book club gals before they out-party the party god. Or, at least, try to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost forgot to post this chapter on time but i didn't so,,,, congrats guys

**z:** guys i’m having a crisis

 **silverkaupe:** what’s going on?

 **z:** which outfit looks better

 **z:** [outfit1.jpg]

 **z:** [outfit2.jpg]

 **fairlyoddnora:** you’re coming here for fashion advice??

 **z:** this is IMPORTANT guys

 **captainpantsuit:** Is this why you’re not back for the party yet?

 **silverkaupe:** wait u guys are having a party without us

 **z:** i needed advice n everyone was already gone

 **z:** i couldn’t even find the dweeb

 **captainpantsuit:** Gary?

 **z:** yeah him

 **silverkaupe:** go with the first outfit

 **silverkaupe:** the long skirt is a good look

 **z:** thanks!

 **silverkaupe:** oh n ur hair looks nice!

 **fairlyoddnora:** u still haven’t answered the question abt the party

 **captainpantsuit:** Oh, yeah.

 **captainpantsuit:** We started a sorority.

 **silverkaupe:**...okay you’re going to have to take five steps back and start from there

 **whitecanary:** We needed immortality

 **whitecanary:** And turns out Greek gods love the Greek life

 **captainpantsuit:** Basically, Dionysus is at Hudson University and we need his chalice.

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i swear ur shit gets wackier every week

 **whitecanary:** Its a talent

 **originalpunk:** oh and he seduced nate

 **thegreathawkgirl:** good for him

 **astralogue:** are you guys texting instead of setting up?

 **z:** i’m trying to wade through college kids and hope no one pukes on me

 **z:** that’s the last thing i need

 **captainpantsuit:** That’s an exaggeration, it’s not that crazy out there.

 **z:** mm but i’m still in heels

 **z:** how r u n goth girl getting on with the decorations

 **originalpunk:** it’s going gr8

 **originalpunk:** dion won’t know what hit him

 **astralogue:** i still can’t believe you want to try to out-party the god of partying.

 **thegreathawkgirl:** it’s the legends, their hubris is unstoppable

 **whitecanary:** You know it

 **fairlyoddnora:** i can SENSE the fingerguns thru my screen

 **thegreathawkgirl:** me too

 **whitecanary:** My bisexual energy is just that strong

 **z:** hey can we add the deltas to the group chat

 **captainpantsuit:** They’re too young.

 **whitecanary:** We adopted some college kids

 **fairlyoddnora:** things legends excel at

 **fairlyoddnora:** fucking up so hard they succeed and befriending anyone they come across

 **whitecanary:** Its true

 **captainpantsuit:** Can’t disagree with that.

 **astralogue:** unfortunately, i agree.

 **originalpunk:** z read that text right as she came in and bombarded poor astra in a hug

 **originalpunk:** [momentofimpact.jpg]

 **whitecanary:** Truly a sight to behold

 **originalpunk:** i know u didn’t miss astra’s groan as an influencer flung herself at her

 **astralogue:** it’s not as fun as it sounds.

 **z:** ssh

 **captainpantsuit:** Zari’s just… very touchy.

 **astralogue:** overaffectionate?

 **originalpunk:** clingy?

 **z:** HEY

 **fairlyoddnora:** why are you all roasting each other over text when you’re in the same room

 **originalpunk:** why not?

 **z:** anyways look at me n my mini me!

 **z:** [minime.jpg]

 **silverkaupe:** wow u really did just adopt a bunch of college kids

 **z:** astra n charlie found a baby goth

 **astralogue:** silvia’s not a “baby goth”, she’s barely younger than me.

 **z:** oh yeah

 **captainpantsuit:** Did you just forget that we’re not all the same age?

 **z:** it isn’t important like 95% of the time

 **z:** charlie’s literally older than time itself

 **originalpunk:** okay yeah fair

 **z:** n astra’s supposed to be lita’s age but she’s like twenty five or smth

 **astralogue:** how do you know how old i am?

 **whitecanary:** Gideon is a snitch

 **astralogue:** why aren’t i surprised?

 **z:** so… when are ppl gonna start showing up

 **captainpantsuit:** Guess it’s time to just wait and see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all enjoyed the chap, n if u did be sure to leave a comment or a kudo if u haven't already :D gardez-le croustillant guys


	15. two hours in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being holed up in a pub gets boring, and there's only so much you can do to pass the time when you're hiding out from zombies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is about 50% funnier if u imagine it the way i was while writing it, with nate n mick hearing every fucking text bc ava has to read them out to her n then she uses speech to text on her own phone to reply. but i mean, it must have been a boring few hours, it was probably the most entertaining thing that happened to them in that pub.

**thegreathawkgirl:** hey uh guys

 **thegreathawkgirl:** anyone check the news lately

 **silverkaupe:** the news is depressing

 **thegreathawkgirl:** fair enough

 **thegreathawkgirl:** apPARENTLY the zombie apocalypse has struck the uk

 **thegreathawkgirl:** except for ireland apparently they’re fine

 **thegreathawkgirl:** what did u do this time legends

 **originalpunk:** why are u asking us

 **fairlyoddnora:** ava i should have known u would be the one to accidentally start a zombie outbreak

 **captainpantsuit:** I refuse to take the blame for this.

 **originalpunk:** besides it was my sister

 **originalpunk:** she’s trying to kill us

 **fairlyoddnora:** and she took it out on the uk???

 **originalpunk:** yes

 **originalpunk:** u haven’t met my sister

 **captainpantsuit:** We’re holed up in a Bureau safe house right now.

 **originalpunk:** we’ve been stuck here for TWO HOURS

 **thegreathawkgirl:** sounds rough

 **silverkaupe:** aren’t u guys immortal rn

 **originalpunk:** everyone but zari, yeah

 **whitecanary:** Not everyone drinks even if it is immortality booze

 **whitecanary:** Nate is giving me a weird look for saying immortality booze

 **originalpunk:** i mean it basically was immortality booze

 **originalpunk:** it was some good shit but like

 **originalpunk:** would u expect less from the god of wine

 **captainpantsuit:** It was okay.

 **originalpunk:** okay?

 **captainpantsuit:** It was a little too dry for me.

 **fairlyoddnora:** look at you, wine connoisseur

 **captainpantsuit:** Why must you roast me tonight, Nora?

 **captainpantsuit:** I’m under too much stress for this.

 **fairlyoddnora:** i roast you with love

 **captainpantsuit:** Gee, thanks.

 **whitecanary:** She got shot in the head

 **captainpantsuit:** Can we not bring up me getting shot in the head?

 **originalpunk:** and we had to throw ourselves out of a moving vehicle

 **originalpunk:** it fucking hurt

 **thegreathawkgirl:** good thing you guys are immortal then

 **thegreathawkgirl:** wait is zari okay

 **captainpantsuit:** She’s fine.

 **silverkaupe:** what’s she up to

 **originalpunk:** uh

 **captainpantsuit:** God.

 **fairlyoddnora:** i feel like i can guess

 **captainpantsuit:** Please don’t.

 **silverkaupe:** too late

 **silverkaupe:** she’s fucking astra

 **originalpunk:** i need you all to know that ava did have to read that text out loud to sara

 **originalpunk:** and sara fucking choked on her beer

 **thegreathawkgirl:** but is she right? i don’t know why but i need to know

 **captainpantsuit:** Oh my God, let’s talk about anything else!

 **captainpantsuit:** Mona! What book are we reading for our next meeting?

 **silverkaupe:** you can’t distract me that easily

 **captainpantsuit:** Please, I’m so tired. 

**fairlyoddnora:** you’re only making us more curious you know that

 **silverkaupe:** fine i’ll spill abt the book club pick for our next meeting

 **silverkaupe:** i decided to go with another mystery so i went with ‘stranger in the lake’ by kimberly belle

 **originalpunk:** such a descriptive name

 **whitecanary:** Well I wish I had brought earbuds

 **whitecanary:** So I could start the audiobook

 **whitecanary:** Good thing I prefer them anyways

 **fairlyoddnora:** that’s lucky

 **whitecanary:** Its more convenient even when I could see

 **captainpantsuit:** I just like being able to actually hold a book in my hands.

 **originalpunk:** i have more important things to do than read

 **fairlyoddnora:** did u even read ‘the wedding date’ or did u go completely off of zari’s explanation

 **originalpunk:** i read the summary

 **fairlyoddnora:** that’s good enough

 **silverkaupe:** now!! answer our questions!

 **captainpantsuit:** Must I?

 **whitecanary:** Zari’s fucking John

 **fairlyoddnora:** …

 **whitecanary:** Nora no

 **fairlyoddnora:** why are you telling me no

 **whitecanary:** I dont need future vision to know that you’re about to get on zari about her taste

 **fairlyoddnora:** okay maybe i was

 **thegreathawkgirl:** why are we getting on zari abt her taste

 **fairlyoddnora:** we bullied her the first time we found out she fucked john

 **thegreathawkgirl:** oh okay so

 **thegreathawkgirl:** you know what the more questions i ask the more i’ll have so i am not even gonna try

 **captainpantsuit:** There was Shakespeare involved, it was a lot. 

**thegreathawkgirl:** shakespeare?? okay no

 **silverkaupe:** then what’s astra doin

 **fairlyoddnora:** did she just say ‘fuck this’ and put the chat on mute

 **originalpunk:** i mean her chat probably is on mute

 **originalpunk:** astra’s back on the ship with my sisters

 **captainpantsuit:** We don’t know why, but she helped the other Fates infiltrate the Waverider. 

**fairlyoddnora:** and here i was abt to invite her to our bbq next weekend

 **thegreathawkgirl:** aw man

 **silverkaupe:** when she’s done betraying you guys will she be coming to book club

 **whitecanary:** Thats up for debate

 **z:** oh my god u guys were talking a lot

 **fairlyoddnora:** while you were busy fucking john?

 **z:** …

 **z:** i came here to silence my phone and you’re just going to call me out, alright

 **fairlyoddnora:** yeah

 **originalpunk:** you two weren’t exactly quiet

 **z:** okay fine

 **z:** anyways we’re going to take a nap so problem solved! byeeee

 **silverkaupe:** before we go

 **silverkaupe:** please for the love of god tell me you used protection while fucking for two hours straight

 **z:** oh he was very prepared ;)

 **captainpantsuit:** PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ME READ THIS.

 **silverkaupe:** well at least u were safe?

 **z:** stop talking abt my sex life goodnight wake me up when that fucking courier is finished charging

 **thegreathawkgirl:** gr8 job everybody

 **fairlyoddnora:** literally in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and still horny

 **whitecanary:** Would you expect anything less from us

 **fairlyoddnora:** no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u liked this chapter, leave a comment or a kudo if u haven't gotten around to it  
> last week i got a comment that made me realize in all the future chapters i've written there's not one mention of 'the one where we're trapped on tv' so uh... stellar job me to forget a whole ass episode existed! look forward to that! stay stabby!


	16. previously on...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group chat catches up after sort-of saving the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter i'm posting from my drafted chapters wow..... it's not the last one i have written but it's the last one that was on ao3 waiting for me to post it lol  
> anyways enjoy

**z:** [punkingitup.jpg]

 **z:** yo look how hot i look as a punk

 **thegreathawkgirl:** THIS CHAT HAS BEEN QUIET FOR FOUR MONTHS AND THIS IS HOW WE COME BACK

 **whitecanary:** well i got my sight back so i can say z u do look pretty hot

 **z:** thx

 **silverkaupe:** it’s been a wild few months

 **thegreathawkgirl:** uh yeah i’d say

 **fairlyoddnora:** so now that you’ve like. halfway saved the day you’re all playing dress up

 **originalpunk:** [charlieandthegals.jpg]

 **originalpunk:** we’re meeting up with my band!

 **fairlyoddnora:** i can’t believe you got astra in a wig

 **astralogue:** it definitely was charlie’s idea.

 **captainpantsuit:** You know, this punk get up is actually kinda fun.

 **originalpunk:** HELLL YEAH IT IS

 **thegreathawkgirl:** not the way i’d celebrate saving? the world but alright

 **whitecanary:** things change

 **fairlyoddnora:** yeah, last year we went to aruba

 **fairlyoddnora:** fun stuff 

**thegreathawkgirl:** when we killed vandal savage i celebrated by leaving the team

 **thegreathawkgirl:** truly an adventure

 **whitecanary:** yeah rip wasn’t a fan of the ‘just saved the world’ vacation

 **originalpunk:** coward

 **captainpantsuit:** You never even met Rip Hunter.

 **originalpunk:** are u sure abt that

 **captainpantsuit:** I can’t tell if you’re being serious or just trying to yank my chain.

 **originalpunk:** i’ll never tell

 **silverkaupe:** first u try to convince us all u just hang out naked now this

 **thegreathawkgirl:** this is one of those times asking questions isn’t helpful so ANYWAYS

 **whitecanary:** [pdaalert.jpg]

 **whitecanary:** i get my sight back only to have to see THIS

 **z:** let me be

 **fairlyoddnora:** okay u guys are kinda cute togethr

 **silverkaupe:** why didn’t john get to go all punk?

 **originalpunk:** oh please u don’t want to see john with a mohawk

 **originalpunk:** i did convince nate to let me give him a lip piercing

 **silverkaupe:** please tell me it’s fake and u did not pierce nate’s lip right now

 **originalpunk:** it’s fake

 **silverkaupe:** good

 **originalpunk:** bc he’s a wuss who steeled up as soon as i pulled out the needle

 **astralogue:** it was fucking hilarious.

 **captainpantsuit:** Behrad just handed me an edible and told me to pregame with him?

 **fairlyoddnora:** wait wait wait

 **originalpunk:** oh yeah i brought behrad back

 **silverkaupe:** yup

 **thegreathawkgirl:** and none of u thought to lead with the whole resurrecting zari’s dead brother thing??

 **z:** we also met a version of me from an alternate timeline that had to go back into the totem realm to save behrad’s life again

 **fairlyoddnora:** u know not the weirdest thing i’ve heard from this group

 **thegreathawkgirl:** that seems slightly more important than ur punk looks

 **z:** it was gonna come up eventually

 **whitecanary:** we’re celebrating savin the world n havin b back but also mourning the other zari

 **astralogue:** even if we did have to watch her make out with nate for an uncomfortably long time.

 **z:** wait she made out with nate in MY body???

 **astralogue:** unfortunately.

 **captainpantsuit:** You can’t complain, you weren’t trapped in that pub with us.

 **astralogue:** wait, what?

 **captainpantsuit:** Scroll up.

 **z:** i have apologized for that

 **whitecanary:** you did not

 **originalpunk:** you never apologized

 **captainpantsuit:** You specifically said, “Sorry, not sorry.”

 **z:** okay maybe i didn’t

 **astralogue:** oh my god.

 **z:** why do i come here, to be roasted

 **captainpantsuit:** Join the club.

 **z:** SPEAKING OF CLUBS

 **originalpunk:** oh god

 **astralogue:** why am i getting a bad feeling about this?

 **z:** astra u should join us for book club

 **astralogue:** oh no.

 **astralogue:** i’m not doing book club.

 **fairlyoddnora:** you know what? i second zari’s vote

 **captainpantsuit:** Mona, as president, you get final say.

 **silverkaupe:** kendra, u want in on this?

 **thegreathawkgirl:** on book club? eh why not

 **silverkaupe:** as the official legends book club president, i declare that kendra n astra are now official members of this club

 **astralogue:** please, no.

 **astralogue:** can i get a veto?

 **z:** no takebacks

 **astralogue:** damnit.

 **originalpunk:** now that this official book club business is over, i say that it’s time to partay

 **whitecanary:** HELL YEAH

 **thegreathawkgirl:** don’t start a bar fight

 **fairlyoddnora:** don’t commit arson

 **whitecanary:** we can promise neither of those things

 **thegreathawkgirl:** but like,,,, try

 **astralogue:** we’ll try a little. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. if u liked this chapter it would be like so awesome if u left a kudo or a comment maybe  
> we're in uncharted territory now lads. gardez-le-croustillant.


	17. close encounters of the third kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chat has an important and only slightly relevant discussion about aliens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i'm l8 with the update but school has started again so? we'll see. maybe i'll start posting every other week who knows  
> this is probably the only thing close to s6 canon that you'll be getting from me so yay

**whitecanary:** important question guys

 **z:** oh god

 **captainpantsuit:** Please don’t bring this into the group chat, babe, I’m begging you.

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i’m already afraid

 **whitecanary:** would you fuck an alien

 **z:** PLEASE

 **whitecanary:** DON’T ‘PLEASE’ ME YOU SAID IT DEPENDS

 **silverkaupe:** i’m wheezing

 **z:** don’t expose me like this

 **astralogue:** i don’t even want to know why this is a question we’re considering right now.

 **captainpantsuit:** Sara started it.

 **whitecanary:** oh throw me to the wolves will you

 **originalpunk:** well u did expose zari as being down to bone an alien

 **z:** i never said that don’t put words in my mouth

 **fairlyoddnora:** why is always when i’m busy that you guys have conversations like this

 **whitecanary:** why are you checking the group chat while you’re with a charge?

 **fairlyoddnora:** because my phone was blowing up and the first notification i read was charlie talkin abt zari wanting to bone an alien

 **z:** i really don’t like that this point keeps getting brought up

 **z:** if anyone wants to bone an alien it’s sara bc she asked the question

 **whitecanary:** i mean if it was a hot alien maybe

 **whitecanary:** like supergirl? she could get it

 **silverkaupe:** so you wouldn’t fuck garima

 **originalpunk:** sara did you think garima was hot

 **whitecanary:** do you want me to answer that truthfully

 **captainpantsuit:** Oh, God.

 **whitecanary:** the answer was going to be no bc the extra boob isn’t my thing

 **astralogue:** extra boob…?

 **z:** trust me you don’t want to know

 **originalpunk:** you weren’t even there in this timeline

 **z:** your story filled me in enough

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i mean if we’re being technical

 **thegreathawkgirl:** i’m like part alien? sort of?

 **z:** i thought you were a demigoddess

 **thegreathawkgirl:** demigoddess sounds more fun than ‘got my powers from a thanagarian meteorite’ so

 **whitecanary:** oh huh i guess that would make you… some part alien idk

 **silverkaupe:** lit

 **whitecanary:** anyways nobody answered my question

 **whitecanary:** mona?

 **silverkaupe:** why are you asking me?

 **whitecanary:** well you’re a monsterfucker so

 **originalpunk:** i mean… she’s not wrong

 **silverkaupe:** technically speaking isn’t zari also a monsterfucker

 **z:** I

 **z:** WHAT DID I DO

 **captainpantsuit:** Yes.

 **z:** AVA

 **captainpantsuit:** I’m not blind, I saw how hard you were flirting with Charlie when you found out they were a shapeshifter.

 **z:** i swear if one more person calls me a monsterfucker i’m setting this group chat on fire

 **whitecanary:** isn’t arson astra’s thing

 **silverkaupe:** i don’t know if i’d fuck an alien

 **silverkaupe:** it’s more abt their personality than what planet they hail from i guess

 **astralogue:** before sara gets around to bringing me into this, no, i would not fuck an alien.

 **whitecanary:** why not

 **astralogue:** i just wouldn’t.

 **astralogue:** rip to you guys but i’m different.

 **captainpantsuit:** Who taught Astra about memes?

 **captainpantsuit:** Zari?

 **z:** what is it roasting zari day

 **whitecanary:** apparently so

 **z:** fine

**z** has left the chat

**astralogue** added **z** to the group

**astralogue:** revenge, motherfucker.

 **z:** okay that’s fair

 **astralogue:** it was gary.

 **silverkaupe:** of course it was gary

 **silverkaupe:** when we were hiding out from the fates he kept quoting vines

 **captainpantsuit:** Why does that not surprise me?

 **whitecanary:** nora stop helping kids and tell us if you would fuck an alien

 **fairlyoddnora:** no

 **whitecanary:** is that a no to fucking an alien or a no to telling us if you would fuck an alien

 **fairlyoddnora:** take your pick

 **thegreathawkgirl:** does it count if my reincarnated soulmate for the past four hundred years was also part alien

 **whitecanary:** it only counts if you think it counts

 **thegreathawkgirl:** helpful

 **silverkaupe:** ava we must know

 **silverkaupe:** would you in fact fuck an alien

 **originalpunk:** would u be down for an alien threesome

 **captainpantsuit:** I don’t want to answer this.

 **z:** that’s a yes

 **captainpantsuit:** Is this because I called you a monsterfucker?

 **z:** i heard ur answer ava u can’t hide from the truth

 **captainpantsuit:** Can this conversation be over now?

 **silverkaupe:** yes

 **whitecanary:** no wait is that also a yes to the alien threesome

 **astralogue:** no one needs to know this. especially not me.

 **whitecanary:** too late

 **z:** if you try to leave me alone with this i’ll just re-add u

 **astralogue:** it’s too late for me to run.

 **astralogue:** i’m stuck here now, i guess.

 **originalpunk:** yes you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u liked, plz leave a kudo n a comment! when the next chapter posts is a mystery but schedules are for the well-organized


	18. three's company too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, your friend dating the guy you're living with gets awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i say i posted this in honor of fandome being today does that excuse me not having a cohesive schedule anymore lol

**astralogue:** moving in with john was a mistake.

 **captainpantsuit:** Did you walk in on him doing naked yoga? 

**whitecanary:** caught him drinking demon blood?

 **z:** we didn’t think you were going to be coming down for a late night snack!

 **whitecanary:** i’m dead

 **captainpantsuit:** Oh, so that’s why the ship’s so quiet.

 **astralogue:** yes, because now john’s kitchen is tainted. 

**z:** we

 **whitecanary:** i really want to know what argument you were going to come up with for that

 **whitecanary:** so astra how’s it like livin with john n gary

 **astralogue:** it’s… interesting.

 **whitecanary:** that bad, huh

 **astralogue:** i’m not used to roommates.

 **captainpantsuit:** Welcome to the club.

 **whitecanary:** at least there’s no bathroom line

 **z:** why do u think i spend so much time there

 **astralogue:** there’s only a line here when you visit.

 **z:** it takes work to look this hot every day

 **astralogue:** i’m aware.

 **fairlyoddnora:** fight fight fight

 **captainpantsuit:** Nora.

 **fairlyoddnora:** what? i’m trying to find amusement

 **z:** astra admitting i’m hot isn’t grounds for a fight

 **thegreathawkgirl:** why are you three like this

 **fairlyoddnora:** why are you dragging me into this?

 **thegreathawkgirl:** u were literally chanting ‘fight fight fight’

 **fairlyoddnora:** maybe i was

 **whitecanary:** in a fight between zari n astra who would win

 **z:** astra

 **astralogue:** me.

 **captainpantsuit:** Why even ask?

 **captainpantsuit:** No offense, Zari.

 **z:** it’s fine

 **whitecanary:** z how long have u been on the ship

 **z:** i dunno i haven’t been keeping track

 **z:** why

 **whitecanary:** meet me in the lab

 **z:** noooooo

 **astralogue:** [pain.jpg]

 **whitecanary:** do you know how to hold ur own in a fight

 **z:** i once stabbed some creepy stalker guy with a kitten heel and sent him to the hospital

 **whitecanary:** that’s almost surprising but

 **astralogue:** how did you stab someone with a kitten heel?

 **z:** not everyone is skilled at traversing in stilettos

 **z:** i like heels but that’s where i draw the line

 **fairlyoddnora:** riveting

 **whitecanary:** look all i’m saying is that if you’re gonna be here u should probably learn how to hold ur own

 **z:** can u be more specific

 **fairlyoddnora:** learn how to fight good n not get knocked out in five seconds

 **z:** thx

 **z:** fine but

 **whitecanary:** what

 **z:** i wanna train with ava instead

 **captainpantsuit:** I’m down.

 **whitecanary:** all this time n u still don’t trust me?

 **z:** i never said i don’t trust u

 **z:** ava will just go easier on me

 **captainpantsuit:** I won’t.

 **z:** will you

 **fairlyoddnora:** u just know sara is the only one immune to ur big brown eyes

 **z:** okay maybe

 **whitecanary:** that’s a lie zari’s just never tried the puppy dog act on me

 **z:** u sure

 **whitecanary:** wait no alt u did though

 **z:** huh.

 **captainpantsuit:** Wow, never would have guessed.

 **fairlyoddnora:** hey is just me or have mona n charlie been really quiet today

 **captainpantsuit:** Oh, so that’s why the ship’s been extra quiet today.

 **originalpunk:** [HELLYEAH.jpg]

 **originalpunk:** don’t worry wolfie n i just went to do some partying

 **whitecanary:** too late i am EXTREMELY concerned

 **whitecanary:** n also kinda mad i didn’t get an invite

 **captainpantsuit:** Why did you take Wolfie to a rave??

 **originalpunk:** rave is one letter away from rage

 **thegreathawkgirl:** what is happening tonight

 **fairlyoddnora:** can she even get drunk as wolfie

 **originalpunk:** hey not everyone needs to be wasted to have a good time

 **originalpunk:** just look at z

 **astralogue:** hey, one question: what the fuck?

 **fairlyoddnora:** mona is like a werewolf

 **originalpunk:** she’s a werewolf

 **astralogue:** oh. i thought she was just some random girl you picked up.

 **astralogue:** like zari.

 **z:**!!!

 **fairlyoddnora:** cannot believe y’all called out mona for being a monsterfucker without bringing up that she is the monster _and_ the fucker

 **originalpunk:** when she stops wolfie-ing out i’m telling her u said that

 **fairlyoddnora:** u better

 **captainpantsuit:** Well, I guess just don’t murder anyone?

 **originalpunk:** no promises

 **captainpantsuit:** Charlie, please.

 **originalpunk:** gtg

 **whitecanary:** i guess we just have to hope for the best

 **astralogue:** next time you guys go to a rave, invite me.

 **astralogue:** then i won’t have to get scarred trying to get a glass of water.

 **z:** i have APOLOGIZED

 **astralogue:** and for once, you actually did. 

**whitecanary:** i’m so happy this is john’s problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u enjoyed this chapter, leave a comment n a kudo if u haven't gotten around to it yet. nora's line abt mona being the monster and the fucker is the best thing i've written in this fic, the sexting god of bcc. anyways. gardez-le croustillant


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